Asking parents without childcare how you have an adult relationship too.

[Namechangewffghh]

Me and my partner love eachother but We are in the thick of young children and sleep battles. We don't seem to have anyone to ever give us a break. since becoming parents 5.5 years ago weve had two cinema trips and a couple of afternoons shopping. Also maybe 3 afternoons when we've desperately needed to decorate/do the garden or build furniture. That's it.

When you think in 5 years we've had just 4 fun times to ourselves for a max of 4-5 hours it's not much. We do all the family stuff. But to be honest we've struggled to find time to do things together in peace. The sleep battles will begin to improve as school restarts etc. I'm also hoping we get weekend feelings again when school restarts. It feels like there is no difference to any given day due to partner working from home and doing the same old thing.

I've been in bed all afternoon with a awful headache. Currently feeling nauseous. I am feeling sad at another wasted weekend.

I don't know how to add fun and laughter and relaxation back into our lives. The opportunity to watch something with swearing and violence or a plot you need to hear never happens. We don't order takeout anymore because partner can't eat Chinese anymore and nothing else is that nice (macdonalds and chip shop) we can't drink due to the kids.

I'm just interested to hear what other couples do who also can't go out child free? How do you have adult time?

I love my children so much but I sometimes worry that we won't ever be young and free to relax again. By the time they are older we will be mid and late 40s (not old ofcourse) but a totally different chapter.

You pay a babysitter to come and watch the kids while you go out as a couple .
You could find lots of excuses not to do this but in reality if you don’t have any friends or family to help out then it’s the only option . Otherwise your relationship could become very boring .

I don't understand why you can't drink because of the children? You can't both get trashed but why can't you have a glass or two of wine together in the evening? And why can't you watch something with swearing when the kids are in bed - surely there's time after a 5.5 year old goes to bed?

We've been out together in the evening once since my 2 year old was born, and I think either once or twice we've been out for lunch. Obviously there's a big difference between 2 years and 5 years and I guess DS is also in bed earlier than yours but we don't find it all that bad - we have lots of nice nights in together. On a Saturday night if we're both in we always have dinner just us two (as opposed to with DS), which we enjoy - sometimes a takeaway but more often just something that a 2 year old can't/won't eat, so it feels excitingly grown up. We also both go out a lot, just not together, which I think is good for us individually but also our relationship, to stop us feeling constantly stuck in the house together.