Did something horrible happen and your life got better? Just want some nice stories to give me hope :(

[Hampshaire]

My life feels in pieces. Lost job, broken up, lost baby, terrible mental health (after all this) and huge question marks about fertility. I’ve come to terms with these things in many ways but I am a million miles away from feeling calm and happy with life.

Just wanted some words of hope really.

Well that's a lot of crap you have lived through wasn't it.

Things take time and improve so slowly, and then one day you realise you are happy and almost missed it happening

I feel worried about the future. I can’t see anything being nice again.

I had about 10 years of mental health problems, an abusive relationship, shit job, no money, scared and miserable. I spent my entire 30th birthday crying. Topped all that off with having some blood tests and found out my FSH was 27 which meant I was unlikely to conceive naturally.

Fast forward a few years and I'm married with a toddler and another one on the way and life is good now.

It can and does happen, I promise! I'm sorry for your loss and that you've been having such a tough time. When I was going through it it was so lonely.

duggle thanks. That’s nice to read. 😊

I am finding the lost hope and the fear of the future the hardest.

I have come to accept the things that have happened but I’m just unable to see a happy future anymore.

The first 25 years of my life where a shit show beyond a shit show: id spent roughly 15years in an out of psychiatric hospitals dealing with the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. I was 4 when it began, 10 when it stopped, and still traumatised and trying to destroy myself at 27. I'm now 31 and my life has changed dramatically. I'm happy for the first time in my entire life. I have a solid relationship with someone who loves me, takes care of me, but also doesn't allow me to self destruct. I have a toddler, and I'm pregnant with no2. I own a house. All of this happened to me within the last 4 years. And 4 years ago I never would have dreamed it would or could. So there is hope
There is healing.
There is recovering.
I wish you the very best. Be kind to yourself x

@Hampshaire one thing I would say is to stay away from social media as much as possible. All I could see were people around me seemingly doing so well with perfect lives and it was unbearable. Every pregnancy announcement made me feel sick with envy and just absolute terror that it wasn't going to happen for me. I spent so so much time worrying about the future that could have been better channeled into sorting myself out and making myself happy. In the end I got a dog, went for lots of walks, found ways to be content with the family I did have (mum, sisters etc), and it all fell into place eventually.

The whole of my 20s were awful.
Mental health problems, sacked from numerous jobs because my head wasn't in the right place, a totally destructive relationship, he had past abuse issues, mental health, drugs, suicide attempts, domestic violence, and I felt trapped into staying to help him even though it was making my mental health worse.
I finally got out of that situation and within a week met my now husband.
Sorted my head out, started medication, had stability, have been in the same job for 4 years and have 2 babies.
Life is perfect.

Yes. I've had a major illness/terrible divorce/abusive partner/huge work issues because of that partner etc.
Things can and do turn around.
Hugs for you op-it's a lot you've been through.

Yes. 14 year abusive relationship (age 14-28) - he did the full house of abuse. Finally left me for someone he met online, after taking out £££ loans on the joint bank account so I was jointly liable for paying it back. House broken into two weeks after he left (I will go to my grave knowing it was his thieving toe-rag brother and cousin put would never have been able to prove it). Trouble at work for taking time off to sort all the finances etc.

A couple of years later I joined an am dram group, made lots of great friends & met DH. Married 16 years, DH is 15 later this year. He's the absolute polar opposite of ex, he makes me feel loved, appreciated and safe.

Things can and do get better. It sounds like a cliche but learn to love yourself and realise that, fuck yes, you DO deserve good things. for you.

Yes, things do get better.

My life was always chaotic, drama filled and I had a lot of problems. 10+ years ago I was in a fairly good place, had a lovely house with a housemate. Started seeing a friend who moved in. I was then diagnosed with an illness (the kicker here is that I found out this year it was a misdiagnosis) and my life started to fall apart piece by piece.

I couldn't work anymore (I LOVED) the sector I was in and my job and my "friends" started to drift away. Boyfriend then cheated on me.... With my best friend. I went back to work and within 3 months the company went bust and I lost my job. I then had to move back in with my mum. On doing this I then found out my housemate had spent the preceeding 18 months whike I was ill spreading rubbish about me and systematically turning my "friends" against me.

I then started seeing someone else, moved in with him far, far too quickly and then found out that he was actually a bit nasty. He too cheated on me and then proceeded to spend the next 5 years abusing me more and more and generally being a nut job. In 2016 I found the courage to end it. He then stalked me and tried to make my life hell for a few months (police ended up involved).

The entire 8 yer period that this took place over was a very, very dark time. I look back now and I feel like an entirely different person.

The light at the end of the tunnel: I ended up with a family friends son. We have a child and a happy life. I sit down sometimes and think of those precious times and can't believe how dark it was and felt but equally every single thing has lead to me to the point that I'm at now and made me the person that I now am.

Things do get better, you will feel better.

💐 For you Op

Oh yes, OP. People have come through the most horrific experiences and gone on to be happy. Think of all the concentration camp survivors and survivors of horrible crimes. People who have lost their loved ones. Many have gone on to have wonderful happy lives, albeit with a knowledge of sadness that will never leave. But genuinely happy.

Thanks for these messages and for those who have had such awful times.

I cannot for one moment see the light. I can’t imagine happiness again. It’s hard.

It is soo hard to see the light when you are living in the darkness! Stay strong, ask for help, it's a sign of strength 😊

5 years ago, me and bf were on a separation. I had money problems, I was lonely and depressed. Now, we have a house, I have a degree, two beautiful babies and I'm happy!

We all need difficult times to appreciate the good & the good will come xx

Thanks. It feels so hard right now. I can’t imagine a life any different to this horrible stale day to day with nothing good.

I lost my dad to Covid in April OP. I know the natural order of things is that your parents go before you (mum already passed) but I've lately been feeling that I cant imagine a future which makes no sense in a way but I think thats the shock and grief of the situation. I think this period of time as had a profound effect on so many people and all the negative things that humans endure are being highlighted in this time. The world has a shadow of uncertainty, fear, loss and grief cast over it and it all feels a bit pointless.

The fact is that though there have been material changes to your life - the loss of your relationship, pregnancy, job - your life and your experience is viable. your timeline is far from over and there is so much more to come for you even though it seems obscure at the moment.

Loss is massive. Accept that and how it's changed you but also embrace the resilience you're building. You can and will be happy, calm all those things you want. This is a rough patch but there is better to come. x

I had a major relapse of an illness in my early twenties. I lost my job and my fiancé left me as a result my being unwell and therefore not much fun to be around. I was skint, ill and heartbroken. I thought I’d never get over it. My fiancé soon moved on and married someone else fairly quickly. As we socialised in a big group I lost my friends and social life too - especially as my close friend went to my ex’s wedding behind my back, knowing how awful he’d been to me, which really hurt me.

I took eighteen months off and slowly recovered. Then I met my now DH and fell in love again, he spoilt me rotten (still does) and is so kind, fun and caring. When I had a further relapse and thought he would leave me like my ex did he just cared for me more. Eventually I got a new job where I met the most wonderful friends who have been my friends ever since through thick and thin. I then moved on and retrained in a profession and started to work for myself, which gave me a huge sense of achievement. Twenty years later my DH and I are still together and extremely happy, we live a comfortable life. I am so glad ex and I split as DH and I are so much better suited. Ex’s wife left him a few years after they were married, she cheated on him and he lost his job and home shortly afterwards as well. I barely remember what he looks like but wish him no ill will. He did me a favour - though it didn’t feel like it at the time.