I just don’t know what to do :( long

[Rainbow1808]

I won’t go into detail but I’m going through a hard time at the moment. I’m utterly devastated and my partner is no support what so ever. I haven’t once been asked if I’m ok off him. I’ve visited my mum a few times in the week as I need her and she needs me at the moment. I always get home before he gets home from work and the house work is always house before I leave the house. Only he seems to have such a huge issue about me visiting my mum. It’s been going on for ages but it’s only since I’ve been feeling really low that I’ve started noticing it. It’s always “why did you go to your mums today?” “You’re not going tomorrow are you?” When I’ve tried to speak to him about it he says he’s doing it for me. He wants us to be a ‘proper family’ and that “You’re 25 you’re an adult now” but why does that mean I can’t see my own mum? The other day, I got to my mums around 10, an hour later he messaged me asking why I left the house so early. I was so confused. I asked him how he knew what time I left the house and he told me he looked at my location on snapchat. I have had the week from hell and I’ve never felt this low. He’s told me he’s sick of seeing my miserable face and that I need to pull myself together. I am going through such a heartbreaking time and I can’t even cry in front of him. The other day I didn’t know what else to do, so I tried to speak to him and told him that if he doesn’t change then I don’t know what else to do. His exact words were “if you’re trying to tell me you need space there will be no going back” and “why are you doing this to me” I just don’t know what to do or where to turn. I feel like I’m going to lose the plot and I feel so lonely with him

He sounds really controlling OP. Do you live together?

@NotaCoolMum yeah we live together

How long have you been with him? He’s making this all about himself. Sounds like you’re going through a lot atm and need your mum. I’m 43 and I still need my mum! Is he controlling in other areas?

Lots of relationships can muddle along when times are okay. Only when times are tough do you see if they are really there for you and have your back. He doesn't, he's selfish and lacking in any sort of human kindness and empathy. Please realise you deserve better, much much better. Cut your losses and dump him, he has made your difficulties all about him.

You are so young, there is no reason to spend any more of your precious life and time trying to excuse his appalling insensitivity and failure to be a supportive partner .

You do know what to do though. It's just that its a really big step. He's controlling you and making you miserable. You could have such a happy life without him in it. All the while you're with him no wonder you're feeling so awful.

"He’s told me he’s sick of seeing my miserable face and that I need to pull myself together. I am going through such a heartbreaking time and I can’t even cry in front of him."

Oh OP this isn't how someone who you should be treating you. Please get rid of him, you deserve someone who cares about you.

Bin time, I feel, OP.

@NotaCoolMum we’ve been together 7 years, lived together for 4. This may sound silly but to hear someone agree with me and understand that I need my mum is so nice to hear. He doesn’t tell me what to wear or anything like that it’s mainly about who I see or where I go. My auntie messaged me yesterday to see how I was. He asked me who had text me and what they had put so I told him and he kind of grunted

Did he move into yours or you to his? I think you need to bin him off, he sounds very uncaring and ultimately not good for you.

and turn off your location on your phone!

@wantmorenow that’s so true. The situation I’m going through right now has really opened my eyes and made me realise just what kind of person he is

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam you’re right. I do know what to do it’s just such a big step and seems scary. It doesn’t help that he’s making it out to be all me and that it’s all my fault

@beautifulxdisasters thank you x

@SuzieCarmichael deep down I know you’re right

@pinkyredrose we are renting a house together and I would if I didn’t think he’d notice and accuse me of all sorts. I know you’re right though x

He sounds sadistic, having a go at you when you're down. Weirdly controlling to be spying on your location and also to act like he has an issue with you seeing your mum.

He's not nice OP. You won't be losing anything much if you finish with him.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low OP. I think I'd be sorely tempted to go and live with your mum if that's possible, even if just for a few weeks while you plan what to do next. Hope things improve for you soon.

He is trying to control you op. He is policing your movements, he is trying to isolate you (preventing you going to your mum's).

You really need to rethink this relationship. It isn't healthy.

That is no way to live OP and you are still so young. I am 49 and I need my mum. I use to be married to someone who didn't like me visiting anyone, and to make sure I didn't he claimed to have lost his house keys so took my keys with him to work. I wasn't allowed to work either and before I knew it I had been under his complete control with only the 4 walls of our home to be in for 2 years. I am not a UK national and he would claim no one would help me or believe me if I called the police. He started off saying and doing the same things as your partner. My ex h was so clever in his coersive control and it was all descised as care and love for me apparently. He was very good at manipulating me, and I became someone I didn't recognise anymore.
What I am saying is your partner sounds very controlling and is already making you feel bad for going to your mums, he won't stop there I am afraid, he will be doing other stuff soon so please take it from me, he won't change, these sort never do.

You are so lucky to have your mum, and your wits about you. You will be fine if you decide to leave him. Totally fine, and frankly you will be feeling so much lighter not having to justify what you do with your time or who you visit. Only you own you, don't give anyone this ownership of who you see or what you do. All the best.

my partner is no support what so ever Life is often hard, op. You know now your partner is no support in difficult times. This alone is a good enough reason to end the relationship. Not that you meed a reason.

I haven’t once been asked if I’m ok off him. because he doesnt care.

he seems to have such a huge issue about me visiting my mum isolating from family and friends by making it difficult to see them is an early step of an abusive partner.

I asked him how he knew what time I left the house and he told me he looked at my location on snapchat. Switch your location services off snapchat and anything else. He should not be tracking you

I feel so lonely with him This is awful, especially during this terrible week for you. Make plans to leave, rebuild yourself and enjoy your youth. Dont let him steal it.

He doesnt need to control you through your clothing - right now he is controlling you through your emotions. Frankly, my lovely, he is being an absolute bastard and whatever else he is, he is NOT a life partner.

You only really see someone's true character during the difficult times. He should be stepping up to support you, not being so horrible that you are turning to your mum instead.

Even if he's struggling with knowing how to support you, you dont have to be the most empathetic person in the world to offer your distressed girlfriend a cup of tea or a hug when she's crying.

Im not going to say LTB right now, because you seem to have enough on your plate. But perhaps when all the emotion has died down a bit and you have some headspace, you can think carefully about whether your future really lies with him.

OP I'm guessing that he doesn't have a good relationship with his mum. Maybe you visiting your mum is a trigger for him that you have something he doesn't. Absolutely keep seeing your mum. You are so fortunate to have good family support.

He sounds awful. No wonder you need your mum, perhaps if your partner were more supportive, you'd turn to him instead. It sounds as though he's incapable of being caring but resents anyone else else for you.

I had one like this and I pushed through all the massive doubts, married him and had a baby with him. He was fucking awful once the baby arrived. Said he was sick of looking at my miserable face among other things. My mum was terminally ill with cancer and he was similar about visits to her. Told me he hoped she died. I wish I'd got the fuck away from him at the first sign of trouble. Yes he was nasty when I left. Well nasty then super nice (for him) saying all the things he knew a partner should say and offering all the support he has known all along I wanted. He did know what to do he just repeatedly chose to make it like a war and not give me the sort of support a partner should give. I left him and am now much happier although I really had to do a lot of work to rebuild myself. He very quickly got another low self esteemed woman and had a child with her. Get rid of him ASAP is my advice. Don't have a child with him and don't waste any more of your precious life with him. He doesn't deserve your headspace. I doubt very much that he's posting on a forum asking for help on how to make your relationship better cos he likes it this horrible way where he is control and you modify your behaviour to make him happy. Yes there are happy times but a partner should have your back all the time or at least most of the time and care about your feelings. He is incapable or unwilling and he needs cut out of your life to give you the chance to recover and meet a proper partner who supports you and Adds to your life all the time.