That's it really. I think things are at a crunch, in that I can't cope with any more of my husband's unhinged and bullying behaviour. He has been doing it from the start but I have put up with it for ten years as we had a baby very soon on and I thought I should - now I wish I had left when she was born. Now got two kids and he is the same as ever. It has not even evolved, all of his behaviours are the same as they were at the start and I know he will not change. I feel so dejected and like a failure and like I should have left sooner to protect my kids. I'm worried about everything: money, the kids, him seeking revenge if I leave but above and beyond everything I'm worried about how awful he always is. I don't want my kids to go and spend the night there if we split up.
He is very very high level functioning whatever he is, and has a very powerful job and is very charming to everyone. I don't know if I can even explain it because it is cleverer than me but, for example, we were out the other day and he had been taciturn and rude to me and the kids, but when we were in earshot of another couple of elderly people he was flashing them crocodile smiles and acting out a whole other personality -- all while not really paying attention to us. He scares me.