Pushy and persistent partner

[nunnun]

DH prides himself on being pushy and persistent, I'm happy for things to go along at their own pace. He says "Have you done X?" I say no, not yet. He says "Why not? When are you going to do it?" It wouldn't be anything important, just stuff like have I called my dad or made an appointment with the doctor. It wears me out because I'm on edge wondering what he might ask next that I might not have done yet and I can't stop thinking about the thing I haven't done and so I go and do it, just to stop him nagging. I'm not a child or an employee of his but that's how I feel, like I can't have a mind of my own or decide when and how to do things. He's push, push, push, I snap sometimes and I think that's what he wants so he can tell me how out of order I am for getting mad about his nagging.

Have you spoken to him about this? This would drive me mad, I’m not a child, I don’t need nagging and I”ll do things in my own time.

Why is it his business when or if you call your dad or if you've made an appointment? Tell him immediately to fuck off and mind his own affairs.

There's no way I would live like this.

Tell him straight “you’re not to do this anymore. That’s it. It’s done. If I have to have this conversation again, It will be the beginning of the end for us.”

You need to learn to say “Fuck off”

@Smallsteps88

Tell him straight “you’re not to do this anymore. That’s it. It’s done. If I have to have this conversation again, It will be the beginning of the end for us.”

This. Do this.

He is a bossy fucker who seems to think he is the boss of your life.

he isn't.

Tell him to push right back right now or you'll be pushing off.

And if you don't have children with him - then please continue that. don't procreate with a man who thinks it is ok to harrass you about when you call your own dad and then blame you for getting upset about his nagging stupidity. Imagine how he'll be when you are pregnant or on maternity leave?

I really feel you could do better. a lot better

Literally what @justilou1 said.

Tell him to fuck the fuck off!

I see that behaviour as controlling, not just pushy. It cannot bode well for your relationship.

I would never tell my DH to "Fuck off" if he asked me so,etching like "Have you called the nurse yet?"

I'd either say "No, I doubt there's anyone there at the weekend" or whatever. If I was anxious about it, I'd tell him I didn't really want to talk to them for that reason.

Likewise, I wouldn't nag my husband to do XYZ, because I know he's doing ABC.

Can't you talk to him about finding a balance between nagging and gently reminding?

*something

I couldn’t live with a man who did this

Have you forgotten stuff in the past? Is he trying to be helpful, or is he a controlling prick?

@BitOfFun

I would never tell my DH to "Fuck off" if he asked me so,etching like "Have you called the nurse yet?"

I'd either say "No, I doubt there's anyone there at the weekend" or whatever. If I was anxious about it, I'd tell him I didn't really want to talk to them for that reason.

Likewise, I wouldn't nag my husband to do XYZ, because I know he's doing ABC.

Can't you talk to him about finding a balance between nagging and gently reminding?

Stop being so bloody reasonable!

I was coming on here to ask the same as Strictly.

Are you someone who forgets tasks / who avoids them or is he being controlling?

My ex was like this, very controlling, he's making you miserable and he's unlikely to change. As pp's say, tell him to duck off every single time. If he railroads you telling you his way is right, you are wrong lazy etc. Dump his sorry ass and never look back.

More context needed, OP.

A serious word is needed about why he feels that its his right to tell you what to do and when, explaining clearly that it is killing the relationship for you. If he's a generally good person who loves you, he will listen.

For gods sake, stop complying with his instructions. Just say no, and don't ask why - his reasons in each specific instance don't matter. What matters is that he is not your boss or your dad. Refuse to engage, and tell him that!

I’d probably answer him in another language (that he doesn’t speak) or in complete gibberish until he got the message. Every time.

‘Did you ring the dentist?‘

‘Well, avocados are harder to grow upside down so I’ll wash the car on Wednesday.’

If he can’t offer you the respect of being a responsible adult, feel free to make fun of him. It’s all belittling, after all.

I'm not a child or an employee of his but that's how I feel, like I can't have a mind of my own or decide when and how to do things.

Tell him this exactly and explicitly.
Tell him how unsexy it is when he acts like he's your dad.

If he persists, then he really has no respect for you, and I'd be rethinking the relationship. In the long run being treated like an incompetent child will ruin your self-worth.

I say this as someone who is instinctively controlling he is an arse. Its irrelevant if you have forgotten things in the past it's not his place to nag you.

I work really hard to make sure my controlling nature does not over spill onto DP or DC (mine is as a result of my upbringing and I would not wish anyone else to go through it ). How does he tell you off when you snap finally (don't blame you for snapping in the slightest) on the few times I have slipped up and DP highlights it , I apologise because that is what non arsehole people do.

I get , more than most , how hard it can be to keep it in check if you are a control person but you have to because its beyond arrogant to try to control other people.

I Think it depends on what exactly he's reminding you to do.

I bloody hate people who say they'll do something then don't do it, drives me nuts because it generally means I end up having to pick up the pieces or we all miss out. I forever had to remind my ex to sort the car insurance because all the logins were in his name, he always refused to do it until the very last day and more than once I was driving illegally not realising my insurance/tax/mot had expired for example. It's selfish and irresponsible to commit to something and not do it on time.

So if it's stuff you've committed to on behalf of the family then I think he's perfectly reasonable and if you're not a child then you should have done it when you said you were going to and take responsibility not to let the family down.

If it's personal stuff (like calling your dad seems to be unless it was for a family related reason as above) then tell him not yet and don't explain.

It's not simple nagging.

Some people get an almost sadistic thrill from pushing people like that. They enjoy it when the other person gets flustered and frustrated. Others get a narcissistic kick from making the other person seem incompetent and small....because it makes them feel grand, intelligent and bigger than that person. It's abusive behaviour and comes from a lack of respect and self-restraint.

For others, things not being done might set him on edge because he's an anxious person. Anxious people will often try to control themselves first, then their environment, then other people. That's a problem that he needs to sort out and acknowledge if that's the case.

Find a bin and put him in 🎶 What a controlling AH. My ex was subtly controlling and only after we spilt up could I see his behaviour for what it was. It took me a while to forgive myself for putting up with it for so long