32 and 41

[Hmmyes]

He’s older, never been married. I don’t know why but I wonder if there’s a bad reason for this! In general is the age gap workable?

That’s barely an age gap.

Have you asked him why? Does he want to get married in the future? If he's talking about that he would like to, then it's possible he's waiting for the right one, a lot of men shy away from marriage especially when younger. It's important to talk about these things early on so a least you would know if it's a possibility or not.
I don't think the age gap is too bad.

I have a 19 year age gap and we work perfectly. I honestly wouldn't worry about a 9 year gap!

Like PP said, have a chat with him to ascertain his life goals and why he is in the life position he is. He may have just focused on work and not had the chance to 'settle down'. Men don't have the same physical deadlines, if you will, that women have, so he possibly hasn't felt the need to rush anything he wasn't 100% certain about xx

And don’t think 9 years is much of a gap at this age. I would also be suspicious, though. Asking might help but I do know a couple of people who think they’ve been unlucky and will believe all sorts of reasons. However, watching from the side and having known them for many years, I can see they’re commitment phones and either pick unsuitable partners or break up with suitable ones for the most ridiculous reasons.

Really? It's nothing. At 22 I had a long term relationship with a 35 year old.

I think it is a big age gap especially if your not used to dating someone older than you by a good few years. Have any of you got children? Or would like children?

I guess it isnt a huge gap but I'm nearly 32 and no way would i date a 41 year old. But that's in part just personal preference.

It may be a red flag about still being single at 41...it may not. Maybe ask him things like why his exs and he have split in the past. Ask him 'if you could have done anything different within these past relationships, what would it be?'. That'll help you see if he can take personal accountability or not. If he blames all the relationship failures on them or just gives really wishy washy responses that show no reflection and growth...it may be a red flag.

just gives really wishy washy responses

or might think you’re too full on and it’s none of your business.

I'm 37 and DH is 46, we met when I was 27 and he was 36, we got married when I was 30 and he was 40. We have 2 DC now. We are very happy and no dramas! I honestly have never noticed the age gap at all.

I think it's a good idea to check your life plans are sort of aligned (marriage, DC, money etc) when starting any new relationship. I wouldn't say the age is a barrier in itself. Only issue that I can see would be that if you do want DC you would probably want to have them sooner rather than later.

@JoJoSM2
Well maybe if she asks it on like date 2 or something xD

But if she at the point where she is considering a relationship with someone, it really shouldnt be a big deal to ask them what they feel they have learned from past relationships.

Go With how you feel. It genuinely is the person and not his age.

I think it can work but from what I've seen & heard so far, I'd be wary of dating someone with that much of a gap. 5 years is my preferred max. If a man simply meets someone younger because of circumstances, that's one thing, but some men want someone a lot younger than them for ego purposes and so they can show her off to his friends. Some of them might also think is also less experiences and less able to see through bullshit.

That will work only if he's actually honest. If he really is a bad egg, he'll simply lie.

We have a ten year age gap...I don't consider it to be especially big. It's never been an issue

Yeh but the lies may be pretty obvious. Or telling in themselves if there is a pattern to them. Eg: all the exs somehow cheated/betrayed/blew cold on him. Not to say they couldn't have of course but, something to consider.

OP I have a friend who when she was 50-ish married a widower who was over 70.

Age is irrelevant really.

It's quite feasible that a man might one or two long term relationships in their 30s and then a few fallow years and be single at 41.

I'm sorry but you sound a little narrow minded if you feel a 9 yr gap is worrying or being single at 41 is too.

Turning it round, some people could ask why you were single at 32 when the majority of women are married /have children.
It works both ways!