No photo on dating website . When do I share ?

[littlebitotartan]

I'm shy and didn't put a photo of myself on my
Profile. Chatting to some lovely men after a few days and they wonder what I
Look like. Is it too soon? They have photos up? I'm new to the game thanks.

It depends. Is your name Bernard? Maybe ease them in gently and post your hairy toes first.

Honestly I'm surprised you're even getting messages with no photos. I would share ASAP better than getting burned further down the line

Ok thanks. I am a woman and I'm a bit sheepish after being burnt before. I will share them. Thanks

I would think about why those men are messaging you op. Are they desperate or who they say they are?

Well they all have their photos up and are as open as you would expect . Some
Want to exchange numbers.
I've only joined so I'm a little innocent about all of this so read some of the dating thread and will be closing down contact if we haven't arranged a date after a few days of developing chat . Think I saw Daniel Craig on this morning 😂
I put up a photo anyway thanks for suggestions and am Open to more if
You think it steer Me In the right direction as I'm mid forties and brand new to the game. What would your non negotiable things be as far as chatting/ exchanging photos ( clean) and arranging dates please? Or what have you learned . Thanks

gosh you've got a lot to learn OP! If a fella wants to exchange numbers with a profile with no pics on them then they're probably desperados so I wouldn't even go there. Trust me, they won't be falling in love with your personality at this stage. What site are you on?

okay a few tips - never exchange dirty photos. Show one or two head shots and one full body pic so they know what you really look like, but don't use filters or do that silly pout thing so many women do nowadays.

Never ever accept sex chat, unless you just want a one night stand.
If a guy lets you down on a first date ie cancels, he doesn't get a second chance ever. Tough luck dude.

Don't message lazy profiles who say 'ask me' and all that, they just can't be arsed and would be like that in a relationship.

I could go on, there are so many pitfalls and red flags to look out for on OLD it's not the great amazing thing you might think it is, sorry to burst your bubble OP but you're going to have a thick skin and good luck. Perhaps do a search on MN OLD threads and get your information from there. Best of luck to you though

I really really appreciate your reply@

Sorry pressed too
Soon. Thanks so much. Yes I'm naïve but I've been really badly burnt and I'm a little scared of being made a fool of . My exh was able to tell me all about my profile despite not having any photo up and I've been lied to a lot .i am currently talking to nine men on tinder ... all relaxed and chatty and fun. They have each asked for a photo to see what I look like as they have theirs up and quite detailed profiles so I'm going to do that for the ones I have good exchanges with. Time to give it a real chance .

You're welcome and stay safe, lots of nutters out there!

They are going to be really ugly or really married.
I'd be brave and put up a photo if I were you.

There’s been some great advice on here OP. I’d just add not to feel pressured into anything you aren’t happy with eg: if a guy is flattering you and begging you into sending nudes or sexting etc and you aren’t happy with it then don’t be afraid to say no and walk away. Basically set your boundaries and don’t break them. Also, don’t take any rejection or nastiness to heart. I’ve had guys cancel for no reason, just stop replying and ghost me completely or become nasty if I said I didn’t want to do something eg: send nudes or go out on a Tuesday night or whatever 😂. Just block and delete and don’t pay them any attention. 😊

Funny story but my DH didn’t have a photo on his profile. I found it kind of strange at first but he was teaching secondary school and didn’t want to get found/humiliated/catfished by any of his students. We met just before tinder was invented so online dating was still seen as a bit weird. We didn’t have our first date for two months (I was reluctant as I’d had a lot of bad dates recently) but we spoke constantly during that time and then I agreed to meet him.

Went on our first date and suddenly realised that I had no idea what he looked like so when I was stood outside the pub I was looking at every guy thinking oh my god are you him? Obviously when he turned up I was relieved and very pleased! We’ve been together 7 years, married for nearly 3 and are expecting our first baby next year 😊. Online dating is hard work but I know of a lot of success stories.

Thanks!! That's the thing. I am a teacher and I've seen several Dads that I meet at the school gates and the majority are married . Great great advice thanks

wow, they'd be mortified if u put up a photo.

It just takes bravery to put yourself out there unapologetically. I am not a teacher but it's worse, I work in a building with about five hundred other ADULTS (although most wfh now obv) and when I started there on day one I recognised a few faces from OLD. Yikes. Cringe. But what can you do!?

@LirBan Actually it’s not worse that you work in a building with 500 other adults. If someone from your work found you, then yes it could be embarrassing but it couldn’t possibly cost you your job.

I’m a primary school teacher so happily had a few normal photos of me on my profile. I was never at risk of a student finding me as I teach toddlers! Me being on a dating site had no safeguarding risk to my job.

However, as I said in my PP, my DH was teaching secondary school so didn’t want any photos of him on his profile. Imagine if he had a normal photo up, got recognised by a teenage student, agreed to a date as the student was catfishing with someone else’s pictures, turned up and the student was there. Or imagine that they exchanged a few messages before they met in person (as is common) and the student found out personal information about him or the messages were flirty or sexual. Even if he didn’t know they were a student beforehand, imagine having to explain that to the head and governors on Monday morning. It would cause all sorts of safe guarding issues and he would likely have lost his job. I totally understood why he didn’t have any photos and I agreed with him!

@littlebitotartan That’s horrible about the married dads but sadly doesn’t surprise me. I think there are a lot of people on dating sites who are looking to get away with cheating. 😞

@leodot, a teacher cannot be sacked for dating. And it's very dismissive to think that ONLY teachers find this stuff difficult or embarrassing. We all struggle with the bravery required to put ourselves out there. Good luck.

@LirBan Correct, a teacher cannot be sacked for dating but I didn’t say that. I said a teacher could be sacked for getting into a difficult situation with a student if they were catfished. We are all warned extensively during safeguarding training every year about social media/OLD. We need to be extra careful as our private lives are up for scrutiny in a way that some other jobs might not be.

I never said or implied only teachers find online dating embarrassing or difficult. I simply pointed out that you wouldn’t be in danger of losing your job over something related to online dating ie: a situation with an underage student as that situation likely wouldn’t happen to you if you work in a job exclusively with adults. Obviously I don’t know what your job but it doesn’t sound like you would be in that situation.

I’m not dismissing how you feel, I’m simply pointing out that being a bit embarrassed by seeing colleagues is not worse (the term that you used) than being found by an underage student.

It does take bravery to put yourself out there and I applaud you and everyone that does, as it is scary and can make you feel vulnerable. What I’m talking about though has nothing to do with bravery and everything to do with having to safeguard yourself against a pretty unique situation to teachers. If anyone else got catfished by an underage teenager I don’t think there would be as many safeguarding implications as if a teacher did. Most people would be able to point out that the underage teenager was a stranger to them (as they probably would be) and that they didn’t know. A teacher would have to face very difficult questions about potentially grooming the student even if they explained that they had been catfished.

Anyway, good luck to you as well and I hope you meet someone lovely!