Not sure if this is bullying - I just don't want to go back to work.

[CakesRus3]

I have been at my current nursing post for a year (qualified a year). Since being there I haven't really had any guidance or preceptorship. I'm ok with learning as I go along and I do feel more comfortable asking questions as I go along. However, this has appeared quite difficult here. My manager dismisses me and is patronising in her approach. To the point I started to feel quite anxious going into work. The nurse that was going support me with my preceptorship has left. I confided in her before she left and she said she has noticed how I am treated in the office. She explained that the manager is like it with certain people. The only band 6 in our office now is so approachable, she buffs and puffs, she won't look at you, very blunt in conversation and so very patronising. It's so difficult to explain how she is. She looks at me as if I'm stupid, she has no patience. I know she is under pressure with our work load. I can't ask her anything as she makes me feel so silly in front of the whole office. I actually can't believe how rude she is. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to go back as my anxieties are so high. I can't afford to leave nursing as I'm a single parent and it took me 5 years and hard work to qualify.

Who is your Speak Up Guardian? If you cannot talk to your manager or HR, this is the best route to take and it is one of the reasons why the roles were created.

I'm still waiting for an outside supervision. I have contacted RCN to see how I go about joining so I can speak to a counsellor.

41Blushingm I have been looking elsewhere lots. Wish I could afford to leave the NHS altogether.

Is anyone about this morning?
Oh I feel so stupid asking here. I went back to work. I'm still struggling. I have woken this morning with a rash all over my neck and chin. Not sure what it is. Still feel sick every day despite cutting out dairy. Could this be the physical effects of anxiety?
I'm trying so hard to push myself but today they have put me down to answer the duty desk phone and I have never done it. It's not that I don't want to, it's because I know I'm going to have to ask questions and I'm made to feel so stupid. Or they're so vague in their response. I also went on my first call alone and it ended with me being concerned about a vulnerable adult. Came back to the office and nobody is helping me to understand the route i take now in safeguarding. I just feel stupod all of the time. I can't not go in. I just can't face this feeling every day. I have been on the loo all morning (sorry for too much info this early).
The band 7 is on AL.
I don't think I should be a nurse, my anxieties are too high.

Speak up guardians are invaluable and its a way of highlighting what is occuring in the department as a whole. You dont know how many other people have also got concerns that arent been voiced.
I feel for you. Im a band 6 and I cannot stand the vile vicious bullying that goes on. My heart sinks when I pull up to work. I literally go into handover 2 minutes before and pretend to be on the phone till the minute we have to start. The NHS is an awful place to work at times. And it is so deep routed it wont ever change sadly...

Really sorry to hear how you're feeling. I struggled a lot in my first nursing post and ended up signed off sick for a few months. It definitely helped when I came back because you have to see Occupational Health, and they will help advocate getting a phased return put in place (reduced hours, building back up to full, but you're paid sick leave as well to put it up to your full salary) so you're not just thrown back into the same situation.

The Dr can also give you a sick note when you're ready to go back which says you need a phased return.

I highly recommend making an appointment to see your GP to discuss how you're feeling. You haven't been supported properly in your work place but unfortunately often management will only help when they start to suffer (from having to cover staff sickness, and their own management will start to ask awkward questions as to why their newly qualified staff are going off sick with stress and anxiety).

Wishing you all the best - you've made it through training and the first year of nursing (all as a single parent) which is bloody amazing!

Thankyou for your kind messages and advice. I actually walked out yesterday. I explained that I hadn't been shown something and would prefer to shadow - again dismissed and made to look silly. I knew I wouldn't be able to confidently ask questions that afternoon. I freeze in that office. I did my first call and told them I was sick and went home. I called a union. I have Are a for outside supervision. I also looked for another job. One was on there in drug and alcohol addiction. It's not something I would choose but I have a very limited choice as I am a single parent with no childcare. 9-5 works better. I'm not sure if I should go for it to enable me to get the support I need as my confidence is shattered and I'm so tense I can't relax to learn.

I'd go for it. You need to get out of the team you're in and hopefully get an opportunity to regain some confidence.

Sorry I posted too soon -that sounds very uncaring
I was going to post about the bullying aspect also.
I think its often related to the high pressure and stress and it is often like this in small teams and becomes the culture ( not saying this right)
I wouldnt go to HR but quietly get a new job.
Be positive in your application and interview and move on.
I went down the HR route and it is horribly stressful -they pick you apart.
Im now in a different job and its great everyone is so supportive
Good luck
Ive reprted my other post as it was incomplete

My first thought was also just get another job. Start with a fresh slate in a place with a better culture. Not everywhere is like that

It’s absolutely fucking nerve wracking when you first qualify and you do need support from more experienced people to help you gain confidence. Unfortunately some nurses are of the ‘in my day they just gave me the keys on my first day and I got on with it’ school of thought. I had someone say that to me when commenting on my supernumerary status. She then went on to say ‘I was so stressed I went on long term sick after 3 weeks’ 🤦‍♀️

48StyleandBeautyfail it's not even about the shadowing. If I felt comfortable to ask a question, I would be ok. The same as when I was a student, if I had a mentor that understood that I am learning and we all have different learning capabilities, I would do well. I felt comfortable to ask, I learned more and it boosted my confidence.
I have had no guidance or support from the beginning. It's the process I struggle with. Then made to feel silly if I ask. Vage responses and dismissed if I try to talk. Spoken to in a patronising way. With a very hostile band 6. So although, I want to desperately learn and progress, it's difficult to in that environment. Being part time is difficult too. So although almost a year, really it's 5 months.
Thankyou for your message and thankyou to all others. I won't take this further. I was just looking for advice on how to get through this. I don't think I can by staying. You are right, it's time to move on.

Vague*

@CakesRus3

48StyleandBeautyfail it's not even about the shadowing. If I felt comfortable to ask a question, I would be ok. The same as when I was a student, if I had a mentor that understood that I am learning and we all have different learning capabilities, I would do well. I felt comfortable to ask, I learned more and it boosted my confidence. I have had no guidance or support from the beginning. It's the process I struggle with. Then made to feel silly if I ask. Vage responses and dismissed if I try to talk. Spoken to in a patronising way. With a very hostile band 6. So although, I want to desperately learn and progress, it's difficult to in that environment. Being part time is difficult too. So although almost a year, really it's 5 months. Thankyou for your message and thankyou to all others. I won't take this further. I was just looking for advice on how to get through this. I don't think I can by staying. You are right, it's time to move on.

Oh god it sounds horrendous . Not all teams are like this but I encounteted it in community settings an awful lot. The trouble is it becomes a bit self perpetuating, they dont support you , you dont learn and then they bite back with " you arent doing the job" if you complain.

Its also difficult integrating into a team and learning enough if you are PT as a NQN, we dont take anyone PT as NQ for that reason to be fair to them, that sounds odd but its an uphill struggle as a NQ on only PT hours.
If you managed your course FT could you do FT in your next role?
Just for a couple of years until you have really got your skills, its really hard otherwise.
If you go for another post dont reference the issues at all, they dont need to know and it doesnt go down well.
Be interested and positive and put this behind you.
You will get there, Im so sorry its been so horrendous, most teams arent like this at all.
If you can look for a job with other NQ its often really nice to have that support and people to chat to about it.

Hopefully you will look back and be glad you got out, I still have nightmares !