Yesterday I spoke to my domestic violence support worker (she also is a counsellor) as I’ve been struggling with some feelings. I told her I thought that I had drove my husband to increase his abuse because the worse he got the more I froze up.
She explained something to me. She told me that none of what I did in between meeting him and leaving him had any bearing on the abuse. She said that the whole thing was instigated before I even got to know him. He had me trying to improve, make up for something I could never achieve because he set it all up. I entered a stage, I was coerced into playing a role. The sad little boy was fake so I could never had made him better.
I don’t know why but this has really freaked me out. The knowledge that I was completely helpless and living in a made up world and I believed it all.
Do these feelings of fear go away?