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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Teeenage sons dad lost a lot of interest in them since he got a girlfriend

2 replies

Nicelunch25 · 14/08/2020 14:37

I split up from ex about 10 years ago and for a while he was very involved in their lives taking them to football and seeing them 2 nights a week. He got a new girlfriend about 2 years ago and since then there has been a massive change in his behaviour towards them. He frequently tries to cancel seeing them at the last minute. The separation agreement states a week in each holiday and a fortnight in the summer but I cannot remember the last time he actually did this. He tends to take them a Monday morning then drop them back a Friday night in the weeks he takes them and asks for his usual nights off the week before seeing as how he has them a week. Last summer he was meant to take them a fortnight and asked to return them 2 nights during that fortnight as he needed some time alone with his girlfriend. He totally doesn't think he is unreasonable and doesn't see his behaviour as having changed. He said I need to look at my attitude since he got with his girlfriend. I have tried to talk to him about this a couple of times but he just got angry and said I was making it all about me. I try not to bring me getting time to myself into it but why do I even feel like it's wrong for me to expect any time to myself. I don't really have much family support, my mum died in 2015 whereas he can leave them with his mum whenever he wants (and frequently does) I guess I'm just asking for if anyone has successful strategies for dealing with this behaviour. I hate conflict. The main thing is I don't want my kids to feel unwanted and one of them has already said he doesn't feel like his dad loves him as much as he loves his brother. I tell them I love them and have good chats with them to try and make sure they know they are loved but it feels like I'm fighting a losing battle when their dad acts the way he does. My own dad left when I was 13 and I didn't see much of him after that - I feel that had an impact on my self worth. My kids are 13 and 15 and I kind of wish he'd been this disinterested in the first place instead of the change of behaviour. In an ideal world he wouldn't have lost this much interest in them.

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 14/08/2020 18:45

Its rubbish, isnt it? I split from my DD's dad 5 years ago. He has NEVER had her for more than three nights together in all that time. I was happy when he got a new girlfriend because he stopped sending me horrible texts all the time... but my DD and the new GF didnt get on too well, so the GF took priority.

My new partner lives with us now. DD really likes him, he takes an interest in her and makes an effort for her. Hes the good solid male role medal she never had.

I think all you can do is show your boys that you are there for them, that you want to be involved and that you arent going away. Kids arent stupid (annoying, yes, stupid, no...), they see who is actually there for them.

SandyY2K · 15/08/2020 00:45

if he asks to bring them back early next time...tell him you're not around and have plans.

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