Disconnect

[LostLolipops123]

When I was 7 my mother left the family home and set up a new life with my step father. She left my father that was physically and mentally abusive. But left all her children in his care. She was missing for a few months while we all lived in fear. I have never connected with her after this. Would this be normal or am I the one with the issue?

You’re not the one with the issue.

It sounds like you distanced yourself from her emotionally in order to protect yourself from the pain of her absence. That she was also ‘missing’ and left you with an abusive father is a huge betrayal of trust and must have been particularly damaging.

I think feeling disconnected from her is completely normal and understandable. We expect our mother to protect us, not abandon us and leave us in danger.

I am also disconnected from my mother due to her lack of even an attempt to protect me from my father and her collusion with him. Since I was a teenager I have felt absolutely nothing for her and have had only a handful of conversations with her since I left home at 15. I don’t actually feel she is my mother.

Is she trying to connect with you? How is/was your relationship with your dad?