Do you feel upset/stressed when your OH is?

[outwiththeoldforgood]

Im not sure if it's just me or if this is actually normal in a relationship? I'm an overly sensitive and extremely anxious person as it is but whenever OH is worried, upset or stressed about something, I always end up feeling the same way as him if that makes any sense? Like today for example, DP was telling me about an issue with one of the managers at work that he felt quite anxious and somewhat upset about and I am still lying in bed with a tight feeling in my chest thinking about it. I'm not worried about the situation itself, it's more that I'm worried/hurt that he is feeling this way...(I hope that makes sense?). This happens all the time and not just with bad feeling of course, goes same way with happiness, joy, etc.

So I guess my question is - do you feel similar emotions to your OH?

I think to an extent yes, particularly as in the past certain emotions have signalled the start of a depressive episode in my partner. I wouldn't say it's all the time but I think if you live with and love someone it's natural to feel some of the same emotions. Sometimes I can feel quite detached and rational and other times feel similar to them.
I think I have the same with my wider family too.

@Allthebubbles now that you've mentioned families, I'm thinking about it and I am like this with my DM, DF and my children too. I think it's just the people I care about the most but I am also a very caring person and if I could stop people thy are close to me being hurt or upset, I would go out of my way to at least try.

Yes, I think that's normal, or everyone to some extent feels for their partner.

Being that much of an 'empath' can be hard- it can also lead you to put up with too much in a relationship, because you make excuses for the person, that they've got stress at work etc etc.

Make certain he's treating you well. Whatever his problems, you are a person too.

Make time to self-care, have some space to wind down etc. xxx

I can also kind of have it in a bad way; or I suppose it's not necessarily the same thing- if someone's in a bad mood I find it very hard to be around them. This is because I put up with it from my dad in childhood.
I know it's probably a personality flaw. It is why I prefer to live alone.

I can put up with people being in a bad mood for a short time but wouldn't want it long term. It depends how people express it too though.

@SoulofanAggron I could have written your post. Thank you, he is treating me beyond well and even though I am an empath as you say, I wouldn't put up with being treated like crap . I agree with the moods, that is one of the things that can affect my own mood or my day too and my anxiety especially goes through the roof. It's is frustrating but when it comes to happy feelings from DP (or immediate family members), I jump for joy and it's definitely worth it!

I get this too. Particularly around my DM actually. She has this stressed sigh she does and it put me on edge so badly, even if its only because of something stupid like there's a fly in the room!

I think its because I spent my childhood being the peacemaker between my warring parents, I'm hypervigilant for any kind of stress or bad mood. I wish I could get rid of it!

But I also get it with my DH so if he's stressed due to work I feel stressed too. It has been hard both wfh during lockdown as I feel like I end up absorbing all of my family's stresses and anxieties.

@KingaRoo I agree with you. It's tough being this way. I do sometimes wonder whether my reaction to other people's emotions could be something to do with my childhood/teenage years as they've both been quite shaky.

No, or at least, not to that extent. Obviously I am chuffed for him (or other family members) when they are excited about something, and I feel sad or disappointed for them when they are having a rough time, but I wouldn't be lying in bed with a tight feeling in my chest thinking about it

However, you have said that you are an overly sensitive and extremely anxious person, so I would expect you to respond differently from the typical population, or you wouldn't be describing yourself as "an overly sensitive and extremely anxious person".

It's called being an empath. There are things you can do to mentally block peoples problems bothering you. Like focusing on a white light bubble with you inside and other people's problems can't get through. Might sound a bit hippy but I think it helps.

Yes. We call it mood mirroring and have actually worked really hard to try and stop it, especially since our daughter was born as it's really not helpful to anyone.

Yes other people's moods affect mine to a huge extent. It's awful to be honest. I have a personality disorder which is probably why I'm so sensitive.

@BackforGood I wish I could deal with it like that too!

@Dogssox thank you, I'll try it!

@peachgreen I agree. Fortunately, out of the both of us, it's only really me. OH is quite the opposite so I think we have a nice balance between us 

@IAmFleshIAmBone sorry to hear that. It definitely is so annoying. I always used to think it was mainly my anxiety but as other have mentioned it will be the fact that I'm an empath AND I'm sure anxiety plays a role in it too.

People talk about being empathetic like it's such a wonderful thing, but a lot of the time I'd like to switch it off! It can be stressful when you're very tuned in to a slight change in people's moods.

Is it not about being codependent? I’m not sure but am putting it out here.

@IAmFleshIAmBone Agreed. It gets exhausting at times. Especially when my family live for drama!!

@Gettinwed I'm not sure what you mean. Me and OH are 2 completely different people and I wouldn't say that we're codependent in the slightest.

I am exactly the same, I am very sensitive to other peoples moods. I think I'm an empath. It's really hard, you take on other peoples emotions as well as your own. I haven't really found a way to resolve it :(