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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What in the world do I do here?

4 replies

Hopelesslydevoted0 · 12/08/2020 22:23

My boyfriend's mum and sister have a huge problem with me basically because I wouldnt accept parenting advice from the mother. She was trying to feed my dairy allergic baby cold jars of milk filled baby food when my back was turned and wanted me to cry it out etc etc. Opposite parenting style, and was abusive to my boyfriend and his siblings in the 90s so definitely not someone who I would take parenting advice from. Stood my ground with my choices as a parent and was very diplomatic with them when setting my boundaries. They both started constantly messaging me abuse on Facebook, making posts about me and rallying people in their neighbourhood against me with packs of lies.
I deleted Facebook and had a bit of a dark moment trying to get over the daily abuse and fear, bumping into them in town at times etc.
Fast forward to now, I am feeling left out as the school mums have set up a group on there for arranging play dates and I am sad I can't be a part of it. This evening I'm feeling glum about it and decided to bring it up with my boyfriend. he isn't at all sympathetic and just tells me to delete and block if it happens again. He can't see that if I go on there and they start harassing me every day again I will be miserable. He thinks that because he would be able to deal with it by simply blocking them that I should be able to do the same thing. He won't accept the fact that it would upset me, as it did before with the messages and hate campaign. I have told him multiple times that I wish i had someone around me who would cuddle me and sympathise when I'm having a moment, and maybe even someone who would distract me with jokes or something when I'm sad. He got angry with me when i said this and said I moan all the time (I dont) and he's sick of hearing it and that when he tries to do anything to cheer me up I throw it back in his face (I don't recall doing this). He also said that when he tries to get me to play board games with him I just say no but thats because im partially blind and don't currently have glasses due to them breaking during covid. He was kind of nasty about me having a sad moment and made me feel wrong for having the feelings in the first place.
Should he be supporting me through these moments and have my back? Or is his colder response to my problems normal? Thanks for any replies.

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 12/08/2020 22:34

He should of course he supporting you. Why isn’t he? Does he not want to fall out with his mum/sister? Does he not do confrontation? Does he just want an easy life? I would expect my DP to be supportive and listen if I had concerns.

SoulofanAggron · 12/08/2020 22:40

Should he be supporting me through these moments and have my back? Or is his colder response to my problems normal

It's normal to want a partner to be there for you when you're upset. Your partner should in that respect be like one of your best friends, if not more, as I suppose they can give you more cuddles etc and do more stuff for you.

This reminded me of my latest ex. Whenever I was most upset he would invent reasons to slag me off.

Your boyfriend is doing the same - not only unsupportive, but deliberately kicking you while you're down and making a point of that he's not going to support you.

He is a fair weather friend.

I think you should end it- he's not going to change because he just isn't really on your team.

Hopelesslydevoted0 · 12/08/2020 23:10

Thank you both. He already doesn't talk to his mum because she said something distasteful about our DD (she has suspected autism and his mum used the R word about her and said i was neglecting her etc)
He just doesn't want to hug me or support me or be on my team. I get so frustrated, I don't think that's normal is it? He genuinely doesn't care at all about my feelings. I'm crying because i feel so alone dealing with everything (emotional day, kids back to school and now upset about not being able to socialise with the mums) and he has gone through to bed snoring his head off, not a care in the world that I'm upset.

OP posts:
LOTTIE881 · 12/08/2020 23:33

OP, useless OH aside, you need to take control of this situation.

Get back on Facebook, join your Mums group, socialise, make plans with them, keep busy!!! You can be on FB if it’s making you miserable not to be and still have your MIL and SIL blocked. They sound like they have already chipped away enough at your self esteem but don’t let them ruin yours and your DD chances of fun / socialisation with other mums and babies.

Considering your OH knows what is DM is like, he is being completely unsupportive of you and your feelings and I would be wondering if you are happy to put up with that for the rest of your life.

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