Wwyd? DD, her dad and contact.

[Survivethestorm]

Going to try and keep this fairly brief. Ex was abusive to both dd and I, he would yell at her, threaten to beat her and threw water in her face because she was crying. DD is young on not yet verbal and we have a current interim order through court and due to go back for a hearing in the not too distant future following a report by cafcass.

I had noticed on 3 occasions dd coming back with hand mark bruises on her forearms like she had been grabbed. On the 2nd occasion it was reported to the nspcc who advised if it were to happen again to take dd straight to hospital for it to be assessed which is what I done on the third time. They concluded it was intentional and got ss involved who are now doing an assessment but said they have no concerns with regards to dd while in my care as they can see she is safe and loved. Anyway I'm not sure that the assessment will be done before the next contact and ss have said they can't tell me to cut contact only advise on how to minimise any risk to dd and also to protect myself if contact does go ahead from any counter allegations.

In my position and bearing in mind I have another court date coming up what would you all do with regards to contact? I don't believe dd is safe while with ex, physically or emotionally but I also don't want to get into a position where court doesn't want to hear the issues and dd gets put into an even more dangerous position. I've spoken to my solicitor and asked if we could get an earlier hearing but she has said until we have something in writing from SS the courts won't listen.

Do not send her. Tell solicitors to write to him and say you are not making her available for contact until children services have deemed it as safe.

ss have said they can't tell me to cut contact only advise on how to minimise any risk to dd and also to protect myself

99% of social services are a joke, they would take DD off you of you were still with him as they would deem it high risk but don't have the balls to support no contact as you are separated. Its a joke.

Not sure if contact centres are still a thing bit I would go down that route personally.

Stop contact until the next hearing, no question.

@Closetbeanmuncher exactly what they said. Because I've left him, moved back closer to my family and wanted supervised contact if at all, I've done everything I can to safeguard DD but they can't get involved with courts they can only advised. It's almost like saying you've done so well at protecting DD but something serious needs to happen for courts to listen.

@iloverock and @dreamboatquickfuck I have been going between just cutting contact until I know what ss say.. if I said contact centre exp wouldn't agree to it anyway so wouldn't make a difference.

Act as a protective factor, ie don't send her and state exactly this.

If he would refuse supervised contact then insist on it.
Ask the local police to check him using both Clare's Law and Sarah's Law, and explain your concerns.

I'd speak to your solicitor and get legal advice. I want to say cut contact immediately, get your solicitor to write a letter as PPs have suggested and in it offer him a few options like face time, video calls and contact centre or contact supervised by a friend/relative of yours to show court you're working to maintain the parental bond in a safe way. Unfortunately the court may not like you as they'd see it breaching the interim order and it may count against you. Different jurisdiction so not sure if it's the same where you are, so get legal advice before you do anything.

Definitely do not send her back there and only agree to properly supervised contact at the courts. Imagine how you would feel if you knowingly sent her to the next contact and he hurt her really badly

Also have you reported it to the police?

I definitely don't want to put dd in an unsafe situation. @GhostOfMe I think definitely offering other supervised with my family members and video calls would be worth a try.

Hopefully the courts will understand giving the past which I informed them of and the bruising now, plus dds distress. I just want to make sure DD is safe and need to hear what ss find. Social worker did say to make cafcass aware they are doing an assessment, I just have to hope that the courts can see that I'm doing what I feel is best for dd.

@lavenderlove, ss had an emergency meeting with the police so they are aware.

So ss have ordered a section 17 assessment but has still said they cannot comment on contact just suggested a handover book to document any bruising.

Feel like this man will be abusing her for the rest of her life