I'm writing this in hopes that I don't feel so alone, or maybe for some posativity, but mostly just to wrote it down.
I have been with my OH for a very long time... We've been through thick and thin, he's been the only person who's consistently stuck by my side.
We have 3 beautiful children together.
But over the years we have grown more distant, I've changed as a person, but he is still doing the same thing he always does, very stuck in his ways.
I rely on him as a full time carer, I can not go out by myself, and I have no family. I stay inside most of the time. I care greatful for him amd he's my best friend, but we've had so much damage in our long time together, and the fact I feel like we've grown apart I don't think i feel any love for him any longer. I've had multiple talks over the years with him about how I feel we were drifting apart, bit he would just deny it and say he loves me etc. He won't actually actively try to change things for the long term, he's not interested in anything but his one hobby. Secually, he's very interested, but im not interested, because he's usually not interested any other time, or it seems forced.
I feel trapped because I rely on him so much, because of the children, and because its all I know. I dont know what to do, I care so much about him, bit he also doesnt seem to understand me or take it seriously atleast. I feel really lonely at the moment, I don't think lock down has helped.