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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Arguments and fights

6 replies

Regan01 · 12/08/2020 01:48

For some time my partner and I have been arguing as we have been very insecure about one another's past and past relationships. We would talk and share about things that make us jealous but then would argue about these issues. We were so happy,.close andd loving at the start of us which was amazing. I believe that's who we really were. But these insecurities became so severe we then started to argue about them again and again and again. They are mainly out of being jealous. We got married and had a child together and the arguing continued. There would be times when we were so happy and loving then times we would back to the arguing. Over time, things began to get more heated and sometimes physical. I would hit and they would hit too mainly out of frustration and annoyance and hurt. There is much more traumatic stuff that we have had to deal with in the background. Things with the family and other traumatic issues. Over lockdown it started again, more arguing more physical times but again we would still show love and affection. My partner has now went to live at there parents until the arguing can stop and until we control the conversation. We have been going to a marriage counsellor and getting our own individual therapy. My partner has said that they want space to come to terms with everything and if I can give that, then they will come back. Its been nearly 3 months now and I am suffering not seeing my family. Not seeing my child, and three one I love But everytime we are talking my partner is getting angry and trying to antagonise me into an arguments. For the best part, due to therapy and CBT, I have been keeping my cool and dealing with the conflicts in a more constructive way, but my partner still gets irate with me, calls me names and shows me so much annoyance. Today I was shown levels of agitation again that I snapped back. There has been lies before that I never knew which broke me. It is starting to feel like I'm just getting bullied and having mind games played with me. What do I do?

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 12/08/2020 02:34

As soon as a relationship gets violent you need to leave. There is no other option.

PurpleDaisies · 12/08/2020 03:40

This sounds like a really unhealthy relationship. Splitting up as amicably as you can for the sake of your child seems to be the clear course of action here.

Julmust · 12/08/2020 03:48

Oh God your poor kid living with that. You need to split

NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2020 07:05

Agree with PP- you both need to be apart- for good. This is abusive for you both and you are both being abusive to your child by exposing them to this.

AgentJohnson · 12/08/2020 08:15

At the beginning of a relationship you are the best you and that doesn’t mean that you are the real you. It sounds like you have a very unhealthy relationship and being apart is for the best, if being apart doesn’t lessen the arguments then maybe the separation should be permanent.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/08/2020 08:43

Look up co-dependency.
This is the relationship you have.
It is toxic and very unhealthy for all of you.
How old is your DC?
Is your DC living with your partner?
Why is that?
Do you have full access to your DC?
This needs to end. Properly.
As amicably as possible.

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