In a v messy situation

[esssabelle95]

I (24, f) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4+ years. We have a very loving relationship, full of laughter.

Around this time last year, I found myself finding a guy in his football team attractive. These thoughts worried me and I panicked, so I opened up to him about it. Eventually we decided that it's normal to feel this way in a LTR and we worked through it.

However, our relationship begun to strain just before lockdown. A few things, such as his lack of spontaneity and laid-back attitude didn't help, but it was also mainly because we were no longer having sex and hadn't done for a good while. I didn't see him for the 7 weeks of full lockdown whilst we "had a break" to decide what we wanted.

I got talking to this football guy over text, definitely a silly thing to do. I realised that there was a lot of attraction and sexual chemistry there. However, he was partial to blowing hot and cold and I sort of gave up on the whole situation because he came across as a bit of a twat lol.

Fast towards and me and my boyfriend decided to give things another go and decided to rent a flat! It's been 6 weeks now and things have been lovely, lots of fun and really nice. But the sex hasn't come back yet.
I'm now finding myself thinking a lot about this other guy again, which is extremely frustrating because deep down he seems a bit emotionally immature and blows hot and cold, but I just can't get him off my mind.

I went to my boyfriend football game on Saturday and there was an after party. Me and this other guy ended up kissing for about 2 seconds before I pulled away and I've never ever regretted anything more. I have told my boyfriend and he was devastated, and we're both really unsure on what to do. I would hate for this guy to be the reason to end an amazing relationship with a lovely boyfriend because he's not a nice guy at all. Any advice?

@Candyfloss99

It's an amazing sexless relationship? What age are you? 70? Why would you want to be in a sexless relationship? You are friends with this man you've moved in with, nothing more.

Lol! I think probably even 70 yr olds have more sex than that!?

A sexless relationship at 24 is not on. That is a platonic relationship.

When I was about your age, I had a sex-less relationship with a "nice" boyfriend.
Then I started to realise I fancied my twattish-but-attractive male colleagues more than I fancied him.

That's when I...

1. dumped the boyfriend (for his own good, quite frankly, no point keeping that doomed relationship alive any longer)
2. did not do anything about the colleagues (it's perfectly possible to fancy people you meet daily, without actually snogging them or worse. Dating in the workplace is a bad idea, + neither were single, and they were twats)
3. ... and after a year or so of being single, finally met future DH at a party (someone both nice, and attractive. They exist!)

Interestingly, future DH was not single at the time. So nothing happened (yet)
But a few months later, he decided to put an end to his long term relationship, because he fancied someone else (no, not me!), and became single because the other someone did not fancy him back (he knew that from the start). Then a few months later, once he got over his heartache... I made my move, and here we are!

Summary:

• It's not unusual to fancy more than one person at any time.
• It's not unusual to fancy twats, or people who don't fancy us back
• If the person you fancy the most is not your partner, set them free!
• If the person you fancy the most is not right for you (e.g. twat, or unavailable), don't start anything
• If you're lucky, someone who fancies you the most, and you fancy the most, and who isn't a twat, turns up eventually? (so make sure you're available)

Coming from me as I'm similar to your age, I would suggest leaving as he's not right for you.