Exdh has text DD18 alluding to suicide

[EstherLawder]

We split over 18 months ago. He hasnt seen them since January. 3dc ages 9 to 18.
They were reluctant after the last visit was unpleasant. Hes awful about me, slays me off, questions them etc . They left in tears.
He hasnt seen them since and hasnt made any contact other then abusive texts to me in March which have now stopped after police intervention.
He's randomly text dd18 today saying he misses them all, can't cope etc.
He never wanted this, can't go on.
His life IS awful admittedly. He now lives with his mother, he has no job no friends and is a heavy weed smoking paranoid man.

What the hell do I do ?

Call crisis team or the police?

Could the 18 year old (or you?) factually tell their grandmother what their dad (her son) has said and there is concern for his mental health?

Call the non emergency police number and ask their advice. They might do a welfare check.

He should not be sending those messages to his child and if the reaction he is going to get is a knock at the door from the police, he might go somewhere else for support.

I would call the police and ask for a welfare check.

How is your daughter?

I agree phone the police, 101 and report to them. Could also call your ex MIL and tell her. Police 1st. And tell your DD this is what she should do if anyone ever does this to her again.

Thank you

Yup report it to the police. When he realises he isn't going to get the pity party off your DC, he will give up.

Personally I would message him and advise him you are blocking him off dc's phones as a safe guard of their mh.
They are not to be made responsible in any way for what he may or may not do.
Ring his dm and relay the message he sent to dd. Police also.

My ex threatened suicide on several occasions after HE left us for OW. It was purely for some sympathy as he looked like a bastard in everyone else's eyes.
From what I've learnt, very few people who threaten suicide actually go through with it.

Call a welfare check.
It provides him with help he needs if he’s serious and trust me, he won’t try it again if he’s not.

What an absolute dickhead. Call the police for a welfare check on him and leave him to it.

My dad did this when I was a similar age. It really messed up my MH, I was a nervous wreck full of anxiety in my first year of uni. I'd block him from her phone(and other DC's phones if they have one) for the sake of their mental health. The only contact he has with them should be through you until he has sorted himself out and proved he isn't a danger.

This happened in my family - word for word OP. Multiple times. And then he did it. Please call the police.

Reassure your DCs that you have it in hand and will get a welfare check done by the police but make sure you block his number on their phones. That's a shocking thing to do to them on his part. I'd also make his mum aware if you can.

I work in the Crisis Pathway and I would suggest a welfare check because sometimes those that threaten to do it actually carry it out. On occasion accidentally.

I called the police for a welfare check. They checked on him and he was fine apparently. He told them he was just venting because I don't let him see the kids.
He is now furious.
Has spent the afternoon sending me a barrage of abusive texts and told me he is reporting me to social services.
The police are not happy that dd received the suicide message and have reported the whole situation to SS.
God I hate him. What a mess

Glad the police have reported to SS. What he did was truly awful and very emotionally damaging

Talk to your daughter about emotional abuse. Abusers often threaten suicide but it is to manipulate.

You were right to call for the welfare check but you are equally right to keep your kids as far away from him as possible, as much as possible.

I would advise getting your 18 year old to take the freedom programme online as having had one abuser in our lives we are succeptable to attracting more and at 18 she may be starting to date.

Go the Police! Well done, for stopping his antics cold.

Well done for taking that step. Hopefully he is in the system now for his MH. I would also report again for the barrage of abusive texts to you since - nip this right in the bud.

Agree with others keep your DCs blocked and well away until his addictions, behaviours and MH have had extensive professional input.

If the DCs are not seeing him - you should block husband number also - he can contact you via email which will be filtered for abuse by named friend or relative. Make sure he knows this abuse is all out in the sunshine.

Thank you all for your advice

Poor you and poor dd.

Try not to let him rattle you with his texts. I'd recommend calmly mentioning that you're keeping a record of all his communications and you suggest he acts in such a way that he would be comfortable explaining to a judge or police officer. He needs to get himself under control, everything that is happening here is his own fault and did not need to occur.

You did absolutely the right thing. You showed your 18yo how to handle this and not be afraid to see professional help rather than take it on her shoulders. Please don’t regret what you did