2nd time rounders - advice needed!

[thebeachismyhappyplace2]

So currently in an unhappy marriage (14 yrs) with 2 kids. Thankfully I’m making plans to leave though. I don’t think I’ll be massively in a rush to meet someone else straight away as kind of want to enjoy being single for a bit.

But when I do reach that point of finding love again I really want to get it right second time round (obviously as does everyone). A few friends have said that it’s much better to meet a guy who also has kids from a previous relationship as opposed to someone who doesn’t have kids as it’s more likely to work. I’m not sure why they think this though as I kind of presumed it would be less complicated meeting someone with less baggage and the burden of having to deal with a difficult ex wife/mother of kids.

Just wondered what your experiences are. Pros and cons of meeting someone with no kids and meeting someone who has never had kids. (I’m in my late 40’s so definitely won’t be having anymore kids! 😂)

I thought I only wanted to date men with DC as they would understand family life. Met DP aged 39, he told me he didn't have kids and i nearly did a runner. 3 years later we are still together and he gets on well with my DC - it's not always easy though and I have found myself on occasion having to remind him that things have changed since he was a kid himself!
That said it's a lot easier for us to spend time together because he has no commitments to his own DC.

Aboutbloodytime - thanks for your response. Did DP ever want kids of his own prior to meeting you and if so was it just a case that he hadn’t met the right person? Glad things are going well

*sorry I meant pros and cons of meeting someone WITH kids and meeting someone without kids!

Met my current partner when I had a 2 year old... think he wanted to meet someone with kids as he has 2 (roughly 11 and 13 at the time).

However, I really struggled with the fact he had kids for a good while, I didn't want to be 'stepmum', didn't want to become a blended family with teenagers at that point and at the time always felt that I should have avoided anyone with children. Kept our lives quite separate for that reason, perhaps selfishly on my part as I reflect now.

6 years on, It's fine now - they are older and have more their own independence. We are happy, living together, getting married but always wonder if he ever felt at that time that he should have waited for someone who embraced his children more than I did. I'm not just someone who is into other people's kids!

My DH2 left me before Christmas because he didn't want to be a step parent any more (my DC is annoying apparently). He had a DC the same age as mine so I thought we'd be a great match and for 7 years we were. I have no idea what changed but it's definitely made me consider dating someone without DC in the future

onemore - I know exactly what you mean, I’m not really into other people’s kids either

Fairycake - sorry things didn’t work out. He obviously wasn’t the right person for you.

I just don’t know if I’d have the patience to do the family blending but I guess it works well for some people

Thebeach - no, he never wanted them. Ex wife didn't either. He says he felt ok about meeting someone new who had DC but mine are younger than he expected. We don't live together and its best that way because I can see after a few days he needs a break from the noise and the bickering... We locked down together and that was intense!