Is my stbxh listening to my calls/accessing my phone?

[JustBeingMoi]

Ok. I sound like a full blown crazy person here, but he doesnt have previous on this on. Split with my ex, who I believe is a narc, but was also EA and VA, with a bit of light PA thrown in for good measure.

I know for certain in the run up to me breaking up, he was accessing my messenger account to see what we were saying, because he admitted to it, saying he 'had a right to know' what was being said about him.

I now have reason to believe he is somehow able to hear my calls and / or access my messages. I have changed all passwords for everything, I have checked allowed devices and taken anything off I don't recognise.

Can someone help me with this. I'm terrified I sound like a total nutcase, but I can't get rid of these feeling. Even my Mum, who was unaware of his previous activities, asked if he moght have access.to my phone, emails, etc. Because a couple of things I'd said made her think he was aware of what I was going to do before I did it. Is this possible?

He currently doesn't live with me but does still have access to our home, as I'm the process of selling.

He does have previous! Even. Stupid predictive text.

Hi,
How awful for you. Have you checked for hidden apps on your phone?

You have my sympathy OP, I went through similar. Mine had logged into my phone account and could see who I was texting in real time, then got into my FB, eBay, PayPal, messenger, everything. I also believe he had hidden cameras. I can only suggest taking your phone to a phone shop and telling them this, see if they can help or find anything that shouldn't be there. Or get a new phone.

My dad put keylogging software onto my mums computer when they were splitting and could read emails she typed. So it's possible. I think it can be done on phones now.

He can check your messages etc. In order to do this he would have downloaded an app on your phone . Has he had access to your phone? Does he know your codes etc?

He also could have installed listening devices in the home , they are innocent looking and do not rouse suspicion

@gastropod I wouldn't know how!

Ok so how would I find hidden apps on my phone? @crunchiebabe he had free access to everything before we split, phone, bank accounts, computer etc etc. I have changed all my passwords now.

You could take it to a phone repair shop and ask them how much it would cost for them to check. I don’t imagine it would be very expensive.

Also check your house for hidden cameras/listening devices. Check any items that he bought or anything that he could hide a device in.

Is there anyone that you speak to that might be passing things into him. Think about anyone that thought you were wrong to split with him and tried to persuade you to stay together.

Is it an iPhone? if so, this article explains things quite well. Basically you can hide apps purchased via the App store, but of course you can reveal them too.

Make sure you disable family sharing as well, and quadruple check your iCloud and Apple ID settings. Apple devices are really annoying for syncing even when you think you've disabled all of that!

If you've an Android, perhaps another friendly poster can explain how to check.

As for messenger and Facebook you can see all the logins to your account (current and past) by going to Settings and Privacy > Settings > Security and Login.

If he'd installed a keylogger, he would know all your new passwords. I'd recommend taking your computers and devices to a computer shop to check and then changing your passwords again

Appear to be packing a suitcase in your bedroom.. See if he mentions your holiday.. Then get searching for a spy camera..

The phone needs to be reset totally , that should get rid

I would reset the phone or get a new phone and then reset all the passwords from your new phone xx

Is he spying on you via your friend's sm? Once my exh sent me pics of myself at a private party saying he liked my dress. I sat in the porch crying, feeling violated. He had stalked my friends to keep tabs on me...

You could log in to your WiFi router - it should have an admin name & password on the back - and check what devices are using your WiFi. It should be just your phone, laptop? PC? Amazon stuff? Freeview Box? If anything else....maybe a camera or listening device.

@IveGotFrills thats useful. I will look into that.

I'm terrified I sound like a total nutcase, but I can't get rid of these feeling
Don't you dare EVER ignore your gut feelings and intuition!!!!!!

He has access to your home - i've no doubt he's placed bugs in your home.
I suggest you report it to the police - tell them the history and how you've changed your passwords etc but he still knows....and you've got a gut feeling he's bugged your home.
They will take it from there.

...and for the love of God please refuse him access to your home.....it will be easier with a police report/log too.

I'd also check the kids stuff - dickheads like him will use children too....putting bugs/apps on their tablets etc

@JustBeingMoi
You could try an app called 'Fing' it will tell you all the devices that are connected to your wifi, you will need to count up the devices you actually have though first, as things like Alexa/dots etc just have a model number not a name like your iPhone. I know I have 15 devices in my house and this showed 15 devices connected so it caught all of mine. If he's using a camera or recording device it may need internet connection so you might see it. Handy little article here

www.howtogeek.com/411095/how-to-detect-hidden-surveillance-cameras-with-your-phone/

So worrying for you.
I would log your concerns with the police.
My ex managed to divert my voicemails to his phone once and put a listening device in my car, it’s a horrible feeling

Also ... you could change your WiFi code by slightly amending it ...

can you prevent his access to your home?