Why can't I cry?

[Whateveryoudoordontdo]

I'm absolutely devastated. DP of nearly a year just ended it. It was the healthiest relationship I'd ever had - more so than the 14 years I spent with the father of my DC - and it was progressing. We communicated well, being together was easy, I couldn't quite believe my luck. We were meant to stay with his parents in another county this week. He goes a lot and was there last week (I work full time, he doesn't have to), came back and ended it this weekend with some vague waffle about different paths. I know this has OW written all over it, I don't think he would have had the opportunity to meet someone new, but he could possibly have rekindled an old flame I suppose. He's not communicating with me at all now so I don't know.

I am completely numb. Feel sick, have barely eaten for two days, can't do anything, can't think... but I haven't cried and I really really want a good long cry cos I know I'll feel better afterwards. I've never had a problem crying before. Why can't I, when this hurts so so much? Has anybody else had this experience?

I don't often cry. Doesn't mean I'm not feeling the feelings. Sounds like you're the same at the moment, it's not like you aren't feeling it.

Some of it is probably shock. And/or maybe crying will make it real?

It's only been a couple of days, so don't feel that you should be a certain way. You're probably still processing that he said that at all, perhaps.

You could try journalling? Sit and write down how you're feeling and what you're thinking.

You could also think of anything unpleasant he did/said during the relationship, to help yourself come to terms with what's happened. Of course, him having dumped you is a thing in itself. He has hurt you. xxxxx

Not over a relationship, but following a recent bereavement. I haven't cried as much as I thought I would. I feel sad and angry, numb even. But like you said, I think I'd feel much better after a good old cry.

Perhaps you are angry OP and need to process that first?

He didn't say or do anything bad ever so there is no relief at being rid or words to get angry about. I am quite angry, I think, at the lack of an explanation though. And I am writing stuff down and talking to friends, which helps. And I've realised that when my dad died I didn't cry. Not until the funeral. I'm a rabbit frozen in the headlights.

I have no problem crying at films though!!!

Perhaps you could put some cry-worthy films on and that'd help you let it out a bit?

Yes of course Once I start I may never stop but I'll feel I'm dealing with it somehow. Thanks all.

Some people have delayed reactions. It’s no measure of the strength of your feelings.

Listen to Monsters by James Blunt or watch Beaches.

I’m not sure why you’re thinking OW. You weren’t together that long. Maybe he does think you’re on different paths. It happens. Does he have DC? Maybe family life isn’t for him if he doesn’t and you do.

He has a DC. We've never discussed our future paths, I don't even know what I want mine to be. So to use that out of the blue without a conversation doesn't fit with how the relationship had run until that point. We've always been able to talk about anything so to say that, and then cut contact when we used to speak several times a day, has left me confused and upset.

I’m similar. I’ve had various traumatic things happen to me this year and I haven't cried at all. But I’ll cry when watching a film. And when I’m crying at the film I know that I’m actually crying over things in my life, maybe I need the film to spark things off...

I think that's me. I'll have to watch the end of Toy Story 3, the beginning of Up, or Beaches... Glad to know it's not just me. Sorry you've had such a rotten time Frankie