How to get over vile things abusive ex said

[justlookingforadvice]

Just looking for advice from anyone who has been through this before really. The relationship was awful he cheated on me alot, lived off me for 3 years and treated me like dirt but what i cant seem to get over is the horrible things he said to me about my body and personality and he continues to send messages to this day telling me all the things that are wrong with me. Iv had 2 kids so im not perfect but i cant get these things out of my head. Do they ever go away?

You can't make the horrible things he said go away but you can look at it differently in that love is blind and the next guy you meet will think you have the body of a goddess because he will love you for who you are and not look for faults like that disgusting excuse of a man is ex did.

O bless you, how horrible. My STBXH is pretty bad on that front as well. I am learning (slowly) that I can't control what he does / says, only my reaction to it. I am trying to choose to ignore it / realise that is is like a toddler tantrum. Then I remember Michelle Obama's "they go low, we go high" mantra, and try not to rise to the bait.

On a more practical level, can you block his email / phone number etc ? I sometimes do that at work, so it doesn't upset / distract me.

Good luck. Hopefully for both of us, this too shall pass....

Have as little to do with him as possible, only talking about practical stuff about your kids etc.

That he still sends you abusive messages is really nasty. xxx

You need to change your mind set.
You say your not perfect well no one is but you are your perfect!
And when you expect the negative from them and you know what nasty things they will say you need to get bored of it.

Like - Really Ex, it's just more of the same , like if I cared what you said I would be with you I'm not so jog on.

Unless someone lives in your shoes their opinions is trash

Thank you ladies for the kind words. It only started when I finally ended things with him and he realised I meant it this time. I blocked his number so its only by email he contacts me as i can't seem to block him there? the kids aren't his thank god. He also left me in £3000 worth of debt so sometimes I send the first message to see if hes going to step up and pay it yet but then I just get all this abuse in return, other times he just does it because he's an arse.

You don't have to put up with him sending you abusive messages. You could consider reporting him for harassment.

You also could get a new number. Assuming the children are the reason you're still in contact, you could potentially get a a second sim for your phone and use that day to day and change everyone else to your new number, and only have your current number in use when the children are with him or when making arrangements with him. You could also limit contact to email only.

You don't have to put up with being treated this way.

x-posted

You can set your email so he goes to junk mail.

If you want your money back, you're probably better going to the small claims court than keeping on asking him.

The relationship ended last year, I didn't realise how much it had actually affected me until I met another man but now I'm worried the new man will think the same as my ex did.

Most email.services have a feature where you can send messages from.certain email.addrsses straight to spam or trash.

If he keeps writing from different email.addresses, you may just have to change email address and let people know.

You could also, as suggested above, report him for harassment, with the emails etc as evidence.

The fact that your ex had continued sending you abuse after you've finished just further illustrates that he is a sad, angry, nasty, raging little man.

Do you feel the need to contact him spewing hate about the bits if him that are less than male model/porn actor perfection ... Probably not. Yet he feels driven to because he's nasty and because he's raging that you had the sense to get rid of him and move on.

People who go put of their way to hurt other people, even after they're nomlinfer together (!) are damaged, sad, angry, sadistic and ultimately unhappy individuals. Just be ultra thankful you've gotten rid of him (a sponger to boot, that must make him feel.so low too - couldn't even support himself) .. as for your new bloke, all you can do is take your time getting to know him. And nobody is perfect, and men all have different tastes; one if the most successful girls I've ever seen with men was fairly flat cheated, with a definire pear shape. She recruiter more blokes than the three armed services combined, and generally did the dumping too.

If he claimed you're loose from kids, that's par for the course, standard, clichéd bullshit thrown at women who've had kids. It's really hard to prove either way .. so they love it as the ultimate insult (apparent) to.hurt women and make them feel insecure. Problem with their little attempt is that there are literally billions of guys having sex with, in relationships with women who've had kids (and not just staying with them, but often choosing them over women who haven't) so it doesn't add up.

Tell him maybe it's just that his dicks too small, you don't have any problem with your new man who's hung better .

Or better still, just change your email, tell people who need to know and forget all.about the pathetic, abusive, sad ass little sponger.

I divorced as was in a similar ( worse) situation.
Give yourself time.
He battered your self worth, self esteem and confidence.
Just remind yourself that YOU would never say those things to anyone. Therefore his words/actions say everything about who he is/was and NOTHING about who you were/are.

Be kind to yourself, one day at a time.
It does get better I promise.

Wishing you all the best x

Not that his opinion is worth shit but he can't find you that repulsive if he was sleeping with you until recently. Anyway, it's obvious that he's just trying to say things that will hurt you because he's a worthless piece of crap. It's all bollocks, OP. He would call you a smelly poohead and say you had fleas if he thought it would hurt you. He'd dance the Lambada down Oxford Street while dressed as a chicken if he thought it would hurt you. It's meaningless nonsense. In the words of a wise woman, don't pay him any attention.

Take back control and sabotage the abusive bully:

1. Collate and report all of his hate mail to the police for harassment / malicious communications.

1. Block emails.

1. Take him to the small claims court.

1. Find your positive affirmations about yourself. Say them to yourself every day - fake it to make it. Every time his words hijack your mind know it is an “intrusive thought” - bat it away and replace it with your specific affirmation / or a joyful memory or empowering song lyric.

1. Heal yourself with proactively with therapy, yoga, mediations, exercise, Freedom Programme. Know he is an abusive bully - keep out of punching distance but know that you took a beating and you need to recover.

Be gentle and kind to yourself.

First thing is to document when he does this. Message him that you will speak to him about the children (or whatever) but you do not want him to contact you otherwise. Further communication is then harassment and you can report to the police.

It takes time to get over these things and what works for one person probably won't work for someone else. You may want to consider therapy, self-help books, daily affirmations, or you might just get to a stage where you stop giving a shit for no reason.

Those nasty things he's spouting? They say absolutely nothing about you and everything you need to know about him.

Don't ever rely on ANY man to boost your self esteem, including your new man. That must come from within.