Leaving a narcissist??

[ItWillAlwaysBeJustUsThree]

This man have destroyed my life!!
He feels like the best and worst thing to have ever happened to me and I’m scared. What happens now? The unknown life without him scares me!!

Have anyone got any tips or advice for leaving a narcissist and staying away?

He always seems to come back into my life or I don’t manage to let him go and beg for him back. How do I stay strong?

This man have mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abused me for 6 years, and despite it all I still feel in love with him!!

Block
On
Everything

Make sure there is no way he can contact you.
Have you got friends around you that you can reach out to for support?

Just remember, you've been strong enough to leave, so keep holding onto that strength

I second guess everything! Like did I do the right thing? What if he changes? Did I try hard enough?

I have one really close friend but I have reached out to my other friends that he have cut me off from over the years.

We have 2 children so I don’t know how no contact would work for that ☹️

Kim Saeed and HG Tudor are both really good sites for insight in how to deal with them ..

There's lots more information to be found on narcissistic personality types these days .. it certainly sent me mental. Wish I'd known then what I do now .
X

I left an narc three months ago ,told him to move out the final time he snapped at me. You've got to be strong! You can do it. I spent the first two months at rock bottom, not eating etc. What helped me was doing lots of research into healing and I wrote everything I felt down in a diary.
You can't do NC as you have kids but make it clear to him the communication will only be for DC.

My ex narc still thinks we are fixable and there's a chance so be prepared for the begging.

Please watch this, it will really help

Keep as little in contact as possible , only for the kids stuff - get a 2nd phone you use just regarding them. Keep conversations emotionless. Don't get drawn in by him saying vile things, etc , the best thing you can do is totally ignore it. The best thing for yourself I mean , because he won't like it but will give up when he starts getting no reaction.

It does get easier , eventually. They find new fuel x

He'll probably try and " hoover "you back in. No matter how much you miss or love him , if you go back then you'll have to start this whole process over again. Because narcs do not change.

Take life an hour at a time on dark days. I found that really helped me x

That video is brilliant. Thanks for posting

Google - Hoovering abuse and have a read up on that.
Really look at your future here.
You could be free of this abuse.
You could be free of his control.
You could have any future you want.
It should be an exciting time.

Also google - co-dependency
Read up on narcissists and abuse.
Get yourself educated.
Watch youtube videos (the one linked and others)

Get yourself some therapy or counselling.
You deserve so much better and deep down you know that.

If he's a narc then he's an empty shell of a being with no compassion or empathy.

Any positives are a show and used to reel you back in.

You know that child at school who gets threatened with the headmaster office and they don't care? That's who they are. No sense of consequences.

I'm 8 years post narc. I had a child with him. He hasn't seen her or contributed since she was 2.

Please feel proud you've finished it. Block him everywhere. Get some support and go for counselling.

When I left a narcissist this programme helped me so much. Even if you don't sign up for the actual programme itself there is so much information here that helps you to understand what the narcissistic is about and how to deal with them.

blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?_ga=2.204510800.1539801637.1597176405-65022149.1590694489

Good luck. You'll be ok

I'm 1 year free on Friday, the initial slump lasts a month or two then the peace that filled my home was too lovely to want to have him back. You'll get to that stage OP, you just need to give yourself that chance.

I have a DS with my narc ex. I don't have any direct contact with him. I go through my mum but there are co-parenting apps around that you can communicate about the children and nothing else. I think some of them record all the messages so they can be used as evidence if it goes to court too.

You got this OP, don't look back

Do lots of research on narcs and trauma bonding. The hot/cold confusion is exactly the unstable emotional state he needs you in to be vulnerable.

But whilst you vacillate in his dramas - all of your finite time, headspace, emotional focus and physical energy is directed to him - you have not then got enough for your DCs.

You cannot be in two emotional places at once.

Your DCs need YOUR emotional presence and availability - they only have one functional parent.

Their family has broken down and they need extra focus from you to support their emotional development after this devastation. They don’t need you drawn and consumed negatively by your xH. So do what you can to detach from him, emotionally protect yourself and turn towards your DC.

This is v tough. You have all been v damaged by him. He still has emotional power - but you can change the dynamic and reverse out of this. You may need some professional support to help you through. Also get everything out in the open - tell people the bad things he did - make it real.

As others have said - minimal communication:

Email only re DCs. Tell him you will read them once a week on x day and reply on y day. The email account will be reviewed by a friend to filter any nastiness. Block him on everything else. Set up a new email account.

Give him zero info about you life or insight into your feelings because this is fuel and any nugget he will look to exploit. Vanilla, non committal, emotionless, vague responses if you have to dialogue - and also have an exit strategy “I am going now. / Sorry can’t speak. / I am busy” etc.

The detachment is to stop triggering the toxic bond - to stop him yanking your emotional chain.

Relish the emotional freedom that he is not in your life this minute, hour, day and scrub him from your mind because that takes away a positive, happy emotionally attuned and engaged Mummy from your DCs and leaves them with a distracted, sad, hurt preoccupied one - and they will sense and absorb all of that themselves.

You all deserve better.....and you can have it. Just takes a strategic approach, clear goal and support along the way.

If you are on Facebook, there are a ton of support groups for narc abuse. I have found these to be a wonderful support as well as mentioned above the videos on YouTube. Xx