If your ex was on a dating app would you want to know?

[Spritesobright]

My ex and I split 2 years ago. He pulled out the midlife "script" to a tee and of course an affair later surfaced.
Fast forward two years and he has been on and off with this woman but did introduce her to our children and had her over last Christmas.
Then today a friend told me that she'd seen him on a dating app.
I'm glad she told me but now I really want to ask if he's split up from OW. I suppose apart from the schaudenfraude "told you so" satisfaction of it, it would be nice to be reassured that I won't run into her and she won't be spending any more time with my children.
But my only option is asking him. Would you want to know? Should I just bite my tongue?

Bite your tongue. Turn your back and stop obsessing over his life. Focus on your DCs 100% and giving them a positive, focused mother (rather than a bitter / smug one) - they will need at least one calm, peaceful and balanced home.

You would look like a stalking loon if you brought this up with him - how would you explain it? And tell your “friends” to be a bit more dignified.

Yes of course you're right, Sslou. I won't say anything and probably don't want to know anyways.
Funny thing is she accidentally swiped him as well so they've "matched" now. I guess she felt like she had to tell me or he might...

Honestly I don't care what my exes do. They are exes for reasons and their whatever problems thankfully I no longer have to give a shit.

I did bump into an ex who told me she'd left him. Asked him why he would possibly think I would give a flying fuck to care. Smiled, and left him standing there doing his best fish impression. What made it worse for him, he was with his mates and now single oh hello let's go and hit on the ex. 😂

That does sound satisfying canigooutyet.
I don't really care what he does but I do care if I have to see/hear about the OW. It would just be nicer if she was completely out of the picture.
But yes, not worth dwelling on.

I am sure you will find out soon enough - maybe enjoy a moment of schaudenfraud in your HEAD - but never in actions.

Given their on/off RS - you might find it is on again anytime soon......and then you would look a fool.

No, I’d have no interest and it’s none of my business. I don’t have any interest in what my ex husband does in his personal life.

Keep out of it. He’s not your business any more.

I did initially but only because my lying, cheating ex asked for a year before I filed for divorce so he could have therapy and get better and come back (he cheated on me 3 times that I know of). So I agreed to wait a year... 4 months later a friend told me he was on all the OLD sites. Glad she told me as divorce is now in motion and I can finally move on. Now... I couldn't care less.

SSSlou yes, very true they might be back on again soon so doesn't really mean much.
We had agreed that if we were introducing someone to the kids we would let the other know. So if it did get serious with someone else I would find out eventually.

I just wanted to get him out of my head, so didn't ask the kids anything, or look online etc. But when they did mention that OW had cheated on him, several months previously, it was quite satisfying to know what had happened. Wouldn't have asked him myself though, mainly I think as I wouldn't want him nosing around in my business.

He might be on it in order to cheat on her.

But you're two years on - you really need to move on.

You split up two years ago!!

Honestly, you really shouldn't be giving a shit what he does now. I think your friend was right to tell you under the circumstances but honestly, does it really matter?

I get the schadenfreude bit. My exh and the OW split up within weeks of him moving out (which did give me a small sense of satisfaction) and 3 months later, I was helping him write an online dating profile because the one he had was crap. Was quite successful after my intervention by all accounts!

But still focused on it after 2 years? Don't you have better things to he doing with your life?

How would you feel if you were on one and he was 'watching'?

Somethinglessboring, that feels a bit harsh. I'm hardly online stalking him and I briefly considered texting to ask but have reconsidered.
Not everyone is over a breakup 3 months later helping their ex write an online dating profile. Some people take longer to deal with the grief. And it is grief when the person you loved and trusted most betrays you. I don't love him anymore or want him back in any way.
I do feel like lockdown has set me back a bit and because we are still (again) resuming divorce negotiations. But I certainly won't be pursuing it further.

Why is the divorce dragging on so long?

Yes, I get not everyone would be over it quickly, but 2 years is an awfully long time for even considering sending the message.

It wasn't meant to be harsh but it's not good for you to still be thinking about him to the extent of even considering messaging to ask if he's split up with the OW.

I do get the lockdown and divorce bits though

Thanks. I'll take the gin. The divorce is dragging on because he took 6 months to respond to my initial proposal before suggesting something ridiculous so now we are back at square one with exchanging form Es. It does seem to be happening again though.

This OW helped destroy OPs family, of course she wants to see the back of her!

OP, I feel you. I jumped for joy when my ex and the OW split. Not because I didn't want him to find love,it's because I don't want her, the little homewrecker (had an affair with my ex just after I bad his baby, it was all in front if me in our home), to be part of my life or my child's life. The next gf is being welcomed with open arms!

RLEOM, I'm sorry that happened to you. It's shit.
Yes I don't care if he starts seeing someone else. And I'm not interested in his dating antics.
But it would be nice not to worry that I might bump into her or have my kids telling me that they've already been to a sushi place with her.
I don't hate her. But I'd rather not be reminded of the affair and both their lies.

I understand the vitriol of to the OW - but it was your xDH who is to blame for breaking up his family - he was the one with the commitment to your children and you. Don’t fall into the easy seductive trap of hating her - redirect it to who was 100% responsible.

I can't imagine helping an Ex with a dating profile after a couple of months...I guess that's a sign the relationship was long dead before the split.

OP... 2 years on... I probably wouldn't be bothered...just curious maybe.

You've had a couple of unnecessarily harsh responses.

I would only like to know if my ex had died. That way he couldn't damage any more people.
Other than that it couldn't care less.