Is it me or do I have mental health problems?

[Mintypylonsfryingsurplus]

Hi
I posted on here a while back re. family problems but cant find previous post.
To quickly recap, I had a very abusive marriage, where my ex led a double life. (Prostitutes etc)
I did have a very bad break down and was very poorly. Was diagnosed with PSTD and dissasociative amnesia.
I had therapy and also lived abroad for six months in a retreat centre to heal.
I remarried to a wonderful man and seemed to be on a good path.
However, ( as my previous posts state) I have zero tolerance for abuse towards me now. I have boundaries as high as the moon but this has caused a lot of problems.
I am now wondering if I have gone too far the other way, or if I am still unwell.
For example several of my single 40+ bitter friends refused to come/ acknowledge my wedding. So I dropped them.
3 ( who I believed to be good friends), dropped me when I refused to be used for their cheeky fuckery
My own abusive parents who still continued to triangulate me and sibling/ gaslight deny abuse. I went LC with them
My husbands family see me as an extension of him, are now ignoring me when I put boundaries up with them for bullying myself and DH.
For context both me and DH have been very ill with post Covid symptoms for 4 months. Neither families have been supportive but will see other family members/ call to see how they are etc.
We have retreated into our own bubble.
We both have very good relationships with our grown up children, 2 very good couples. I have 3 very close friends still who I see as does DH.
I was abused badly as a child and have only put boundaries up the last 3 years.
My DH had a reasonable childhood but is the 'scapegoat' role and is also sick of being ignored or bullied.
I am also perimenopausal.
I am fed up with everyone and everything.
I was fed up with going to DH family 'gatherings' and being ignored or bullied, so I refused to go.
I got sick of the truly toxic dynamic of my own family, so I refused to stay in it.
Am I just intolerant or ill?
I am a bit low due to lockdown/illness/money problems. Worrying about getting a job etc.
But not depressed? I still find joy in the few people I actually like and like me in return.
I find boundaries really hard as not having any before really attracted abusers to me.
But now have I gone too far?
I have an issue in particular with self obsessed people.
My DH family will ignore me now as if they talk non stop at me bragging/bitching I walk off. In my brain if they do not talk to me/ ask questions then I may as well go?
A family member did this at weekend so in the end I picked up my phone and ignore them ( couldnt walk away) it caused a really bad atmosphere.
In a way I am glad I am not people pleasing anymore but am I coming across as a bitch? Is it me?
Sorry this went on a bit long

My people pleasing mode sickens me, but for example in a conversation if I get ignored/ not asked questions or talked over I walk off but that is still a reaction isnt it?

This is intensely irritating, but it's not abusive behaviour.

It seems to me that you have genuine reasons for having cut certain people out of your life, including your own family. Your DH's family racism is an issue that only the two of you can decide how much you're willing to put up with - eg do you just refuse to engage or do you take a harder line. However, that aside, it seems to me that you're projecting a little on your DH's family and taking behaviours that are poor/socially inept and classing them as abuse because you have genuinely had some truly awful experiences.

Having said all that, it sounds like DH's family aren't very nice - racist, not interested in other people or viewpoints etc, so minimising contact with them seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

@heartache590 That sounds good to me, I think writing it down and reminding myself of this on a regular basis will stop some of the rigidity too thank you very useful

@BlingLoving again thats fair to say, I think because they show (from my perspective) abuse behaviours towards me, DH, other humans not in the family group, the environment etc I suppose I have lumped them with being abusive too.
I think I have become too black and white in that if anyone makes me feel worthless, stupid, ignored, attacked it takes me back to the feelings of actual abuse iyswim?
I am working on my confidence so I can keep my dignity in these situation, be calm and assertive even though it terrifies me?
In the begginning DH's family seemed to genuinely like me, but I can see now its down to my desire to please them and fit in.
I made sure I was practical, helpful and supportive.
The ' leader' of the family made me prove my worth, my last thread on this demonstrated how I had to be in the circle of trust!
However, when I started to relax having earned my place (his words) I realised how much I had let myself down by even entertaining this. There are a few blood outliers in the family clan who clearly will not massage this persons ego, but sadly they are hated on/ cruely bitched about in their absence and then interrogated when present. Humiliated in front of the others. I guess I picked up on that dynamic and made a choice. Now I am backtracking, I have been outcast. That in itself is pretty abusive though I think.

'Hurt people hurt' I think you've been abused and you've still got that anger. The anger has to go somewhere. Take up a martial art ie kickboxing to get the aggression out of your body, then you can deal with people from a relaxed point of view. We hurt the ones we love the worst. I don't know why.

I think it sounds fine, particularly if your DH feels the same way.

I have a very low tolerance for people though.

There is nothing wrong with you. The friends who did not come to your wedding are not friends so you can get rid and find real friends. The relative who talks about herself is a classic narcissist (check out the symptoms online). I treat racist people like little children because I can't be bothered to get angry. Sometimes I poke them a bit for amusement then smile when they go off like a firework. I'd be angry if I had to put up with these c**nuts too. I was a people pleaser for years and ended up having severe depression. It's not you it's them. As long as you and your partner are solid just let it wash over you. If you have a lot of anger try kickboxing to get it out of your body. Anger is bad for you so don't fall for it, unless you want some fun by calmly dismantling their arguments, but probably not worth it.get the anger out by kickboxing, then if you want you can call them out calmly for their ignorance. Ignorance is insecurity, a very brittle shell.

Zombie