AIBU to refuse to see in laws because they won't stop taking my photograph?

[GinWeasley]

I used to be, maybe not slim but normal and I was happy with the way I looked. In the last couple of years, I gained a lot of weight, partially down to stress and mental health issues. Before I lost it all, I got pregnant. I gave birth six weeks ago. It was a difficult labour and I am just getting to the point where I feel able to exercise and I'm starting to think about losing the weight again. I feel horribly conscious of how I look, but positive I can do something about it.

My problem is, my in laws keep taking photographs of me even though I ask them not to. These pictures are then put on a family WhatsApp chat or Instagram. I see them, I feel horrible about myself all over again and I lose that positive feeling and just feel desperate and unhappy. I don't want to keep feeling like that. I keep telling them to give me more time and then I'll be happy to go on photos.

I'm not big on social media, but they all are. Everytime we see them, they take pictures of the baby which is fine. But they point the camera towards me when I am talking or not taking any notice and the pictures are always so unflattering. They are then usually uploaded or shown to friends and relatives. I move out of the way and make it clear I don't want to be photographed but they still do it. My MIL went to show me a photo to show me it wasn't so bad, I told her I didn't really want to see it, but she insisted.

If I make it clear it doesn't go on social media, they get uploaded to the family chat. They don't understand I don't want to see them. Today, we went round for a drink in the garden, I moved out of the way when they started taking pictures. Tonight, there are still two awful pictures of me on Instagram.

I've told my DP that I will not be seeing his family now until I am happy to be photographed. Its a shame. Part of me is wondering whether to let him tell them? 'She won't be coming again because you won't stop taking her photo' It might make them stop and then we can carry on as normal. But then, they will just think I am bonkers and ridiculous won't they.

AIBU?

Let him tell them. Let him ask sil to take the pictures down. Preferably say, 'it's not just about photos, but they are an example of how you are not listening to our wishes. You are making us not want to see you.'

However, it will likely cause a bit of ribbing or a rift.

Alternatively pull back a bit and if asked why, then tell them then.

yes just breezily say something like 'actually can we have a no photo day? would that be ok please? they make it hard for me to relax, maybe just take one right at the end so we can all remember the day' pre agreed with dh obv.

If your DH is happy to tell his family to stop doing it or fuck off then let him! Back him up!

It sounds as they they have ignored him for a while and he would enjoy being able to say sod off! Support him in standing up to them if that is what he wants to do!

I have low self esteem too- and totally understand how annoying that would be- definitely try and intervene before said photos are posted and do a bit of editing yourself of what they're going to post...
Try and look on the bright side- at least they want to take your photo- my inlaws deliberately wait until I've left the room to take any photos of my dc and dh without me being there... Great family. Definitely no regrets whatsoever marrying into that.

My mother's favourite hobby is to take and display terrible photos of me. Most people's parents proudly display pictures of their offspring smiling, laughing, looking happy and well. My parents' house is full of despicable photos of me with my gob hanging open, eyes half-closed, double chins to the wind. When I got my wedding photos from the photographer, I KNEW exactly which one Mother would pick to have framed. Yep. I was correct. Not the one of me gazing adoringly at new DP. Not the one of me laughing with my maid of honour. Not even the one of me misty-eyed under the wedding canopy. Nope. It was the one where I look like the bride of Frankenstein.

But I can’t say you are being 100% reasonable with regards to the photos. Your children will want to see photos of you when they were young. You’ll also hopefully look back in the future with a far more relaxed attitude and be glad to have these memories captured.

Well, that's ultimately the OP's call, surely? Plus, the thing is it's really not difficult to take a decent photograph of someone, even of a group of someones, especially with decent cameras now on everyone's phones. Take a few and delete the bad ones. I take good photographs of people. I don't 'candid' snap them, I delete bad photos, I don't hover around all day with my camera surreptitiously photographing, I respect people's wishes not to be photographed, and I don't post anything at all on social media.

And the OP would probably be a lot more receptive to the occasional photograph when she's aware it's about to be taken, and not snapped when halfway through a mouthful of food or with her eyes shut and her mouth open.

Op you need to work on you and I don't say that lightly!

If you were skinny or your idea side you would still feel some negative towards yourself.

Plus you do know that people will always fine something shitty to say regardless of how you look or act.

This is not about you.
Your in-laws are feeding their ego needs at your expense.
You will always be a favored target for this dysfunctional dynamic. If you were not available, they would use someone else, but not without punishing you for daring to call them out on their behavior. So prepare yourself for some level of character assassination (which they are already doing, btw, very publically).
It really reveals their true colors when systematically embarrassing and humiliating you after your having had a baby. Nasty. When you solve the weight issue, it will be something else like your parenting style, your child's behavior, your dh isn't really thriving, your wardrobe, your intelligence, etc. See what I mean?
I agree with previous posters who say it is your dh's family, let him deal with it; he is your ambassador. Can he see that he, you and your baby are now his primary family unit, and his family of origin is/should be now subordinate?
Yes, Step back. You do not necessarily need to say why. It is not mentally healthy for you to be around them. It might be workable to have a long plan and taper off incrementally without a big showdown. You need time for your hobby that is not centered around weight loss...arts and crafts, sewing, dog sports etc.

Do they shit all over all boundaries, or is it just this particular set? They sound rude.

This would annoy me as well. The pics need to be taken down from SM.

I don't understand this blatant disrespect.