How do I move on?

[Nina1983]

Lengthy post but bear with me...
Before our marriage around 6 years ago, my husband had a lengthy emotional affair with a member of our friendship group. Although this never became physical, he did leave me in order to explore possibilities with the other woman only to be turned down once she’d succeeded in breaking us.
I decided to forgive him and she also went on to marry my husbands good friend.
We have a close friendship group of around 10 couples.
The experience sparked the onset of crippling social anxiety & low self esteem in me. I have sought professional help but for my own sanity, I find myself avoiding all social situations where she may be (she’s involved with everything!) and totally isolating myself.
My husband still has a good friendship with her while is now 100% above board. He feels I’m being unreasonable and should be over it by now.
I now find myself wasting precious time I should be spending with my children being mentally absent while I think about the other woman, still going over what happened all those years ago and comparing myself to her. I’m also worried the situation will start to affect my children socially as the group is their main source of friendships. The realisation I’m letting my children down by not getting over this only adds to my low self esteem and so the cycle continues.
I’d love nothing more than to move on but I can’t seem to pull myself out of this hole when she’s always right there!
Any thoughts & ideas very welcome! Xx

By not attending you are giving her the upper hand. He chose you. You have children with him. She doesn’t. Plus regardless of how she looks or whatever she’s a nasty piece of work and you are lovely inside. Just go and just keep telling yourself (inside not out loud) each time she speaks “god she’s a total twat”.

God, you've had a time of it. I find it bizarre that he expects you to be "over" it and socialise with her.

Suggestion 1:
Move away, have a fresh start, make new friends.

Suggestion 2:
Tough it out, socialise with them all, make it work. Don't let it isolate you any longer.

But in all honesty, I think the reason you can't get over it, is because you were second-best, and you accepted that as the price of admission to the relationship, and have lived knowing that ever since. He left you for her and only came back when she didn't want him.

How could you possibly get over that? No wonder your self-esteem went through the floor.

And that he's still all matey with her and expects you just to get on with it is just .. Well, you've picked a hard row to hoe.