I'm a well-paid housekeeper for my DH

[Snaptheirfingers]

He shows no interest in me. He's WFH in lockdown, I go out to work. He organises Zoom meetings so clearly needs social contact. He goes out every Saturday and Sunday for a 'proper' walk. He never asks me to accompany him or what I want to do over the weekend. Today I spent the day fixing the broken bit in the shower and laying the bricks about the new pond. I'm feeling rather lonely. He's gone off to the pub for the first time tonight with friends we both worked with. On Monday he has the day off to go for a walk with a friend who's older and has mobility issues due to MS (will they have a 'proper' walk?). We both have annual leave in September. He has gone ahead a booked a holiday without telling me. He says he's going alone. He's not having an affair. He has always had little interest in sex and is effectively impotent.
On the plus side, I am in my 60s I work part-time and I live in a nice house, which is handy when the kids come back, like they are now. I need to get my own life but after a full day at work even though it's not every day of the week I'm exhausted. I do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, domestic admin. I'm OK during the week, it's the weekends I find hard.
He has always compartmentalised me and excluded me. He's abusive isn't he.

It’s not abusive but it does sound sad.

Is he asexual? Many asexual people are ok having sex to get children but other than that, zero interest in sex.

Could he be avoiding you because you’ll make advances on him?

Not excusing him, just wondering if there is an explanation?

You should have got a shower & followed him to the pub.

Is anything else happening OP, that you say it's abusive? Does he call you names, run you down, outright refuse to speak to you etc?

Does he insist you do all these jobs? That would be abusive/controlling.

He's certainly neglectful and I'd say beyond thoughtless booking that holiday- I imagine he'dve guessed that would've hurt you. Or maybe he doesn't have a clue.

Have you trying to say anything about all this to him? I agree with the PP's who said stop doing more than your fair share. You're not his slave. xx

Doesn't seem like abuse to me - it just seems like total indifference.

If he's got cirrhosis, he's an alcoholic. I think people missed that (although it would have been relevant to mention it in your OP).

I suppose you could divorce him and split the house proceeds (or buy him out - it doesn't sound like he'd really care where he lived). Or just wait for him to die. Up to you whether that's going to take too long, though.

Why are you still together?

Why does he have cirrhosis? Is he alcoholic?

Either way as soon as dd leaves stop cooking and washing for him. Move to a separate room. Live separate lives.

Does he also work part-time? If not then I think it's fair that you do the majority around the house. Your relationship does sound miserable though, never spending time together.
And I don't know if this is the case for the OP's husband but not all cirrhosis is caused by alcohol

I don't know if this is the case for the OP's husband but not all cirrhosis is caused by alcohol

@user1471457751 I think the OP mentioned it because if he was going down the pub, I get the impression he was going to have an alcoholic drink. Whatever the cause, I imagine someone with that shouldn't really drink alcohol. I'dve thought most cirrhosis is alcohol-related, unless the person had Hepatitis C or something maybe.

What does he say when you've talked about leading separate lives? Did you both stay for the kids and now that's all you have in common? Is he an alcoholic? I think you need to be clear on if you're happy with a separate life while staying married or not.

Why do you stay? Wouldn’t you rather go dating and find somebody you can have fun with?

Op you still haven’t answered the question.

Have you spoken to him and told him about this/how you feel if so what was his response??

It’s all well for you to have a vent on here and the marriage sounds joyless as many have pointed out but he’s not a mind reader. For example yes, he should’ve said something about the pub but he didn’t which makes me think this is a regular occurrence and that perhaps you don’t bother saying anything to him anymore? did you say anything to him re the pub when he mentioned it?

This is like living in a big house with a horrible flatmate when you could live in a smaller one on your own. You don't have to put up with this, OP, but any decision will affect your standard of living. It's up to you whether you can tolerate living with this level of dislike and disregard.

Bakedoff - it’s not really that straightforward in your 60’s.

He’s not abusive from what you’ve said. I’ve no idea how you could get abusive from that. He just sounds disinterested and not much of a partner.

So do you want to stay with someone who just lives alongside you or split up and live you own lives (as you are now) but completely separately?

This could be my mum and dad, they’re 69 & 72. My mum has been complaining about the same issues with my dad since I was a child. She majorly destroyed my relationship with my dad for many years but honestly now I can see he never lied about who he was, she just married the wrong man. She won’t divorce him as her sister lost everything in her divorce and ended up in a council flat - under absolutely totally different circumstances. Sadly mum and I are no contact now and she doesn’t see my children due to her extreme negativity among other reasons. I do see dad monthly but we aren’t close.

If you’re unhappy then leave. Don’t stay and seethe, it’s destructive to you and those around you.

Good luck 🌸🌸🌸