Unfaithful husband - is an STD test necessary?

[QueenoftheLight]

I've just discovered from a credible source that my narcissistic ex husband cheated on me multiple times with many different women during our 18 year relationship. Including when I was pregnant with each of my 3 children.

I am slowly absorbing this news. I left him a year ago following an escalation of domestic abuse and was granted non molestation and occupation orders against him.

Around this time following a routine smear test I was informed that there were abnormal cells on my cervix along with a positive test for the HPV virus. Following a colposcopy I was reassured that the cell abnormalities were nothing to be concerned about.

I understand that the HPV virus can lay dormant for many years and possibly I even had it when I met him, but now I know the truth about what he's been doing all these years I can't shake off the thought that he passed it to me from unprotected sex.

I'm now panicking about what else this man has potentially passed onto me. My youngest child is almost 3 and I remember having the standard pregnancy related tests for some STDs and obviously nothing of concern was flagged up but my head is now spinning thinking do I need to contact my GP for further tests. Could my children have been put at risk?

I literally can't think straight right now and would really appreciate any guidance. Thank you so much

I think I would get a test that you can do at home, just in case. You can get one for free here x
sh24.org.uk/

Hi OP. I had unprotected sex with a person I thought was loyal turns out he wasn't. I went to a clinic and they tested me no problem, thankfully I was clean. If you're anxious I really would go just for the sake of your MH. Don't worry about feeling judged, they're there to help and if you explain the situation they'll be more than understanding. Hopefully assuming you don't have any symptoms then you're fine but some can go undetected! Hope you get tested and feel better soon OP. STDs are more common than you think so remember to not feel embarrassed if you receive the news you weren't hoping for.

Thank you both

I didn't realise you could get test to do at home. I think for my own peace of mind I'll order it.

Yes they come in a cardboard box just with your name and address on. I can't remember exactly everything that was in them but it will test you for everything except blood detected STDs so if you're worried about any of those I would see the GP. Luckily, HIV is a lot more rare these days and most people that have it are on treatment.

You can order them from sexual health London if you are in London and they include a blood prick test. I would definitely do one just to put your mind at rest, otherwise you will stress yourself unnecessarily.

The test kit normally arrives a couple of days after you order it and once it’s received back you normally get the results within a few days.

Sorry for your experience with your ex husband. well done for getting out

Thank you so much for your replies

I got tested after my Exh had been playing around. I had no symptoms, but wanted peace of mind. Don't worry about going to the clinic to get tested. They really are lovely in there. They could see I was upset & let me sit in a separate room. The thought of going is worse than the actual visit. You will have peace of mind after too

@bedjolly it's not a good idea to say you're clean if you test negative for STIs as that infers if someone tests positive that they're dirty - which they're not.

OP, sorry to hear about your husband cheating on you. As said you can get postal tests - usually a wee or swab test for chlamydia & gonorrhoea and finger prick test for syphilis & HIV. If you go to a GUM clinics you might also get tested for others like trichimoniasis. Currently some clinics are triaging by phone and depending on any close to you, you might not be seen if you don't have symptoms. You can actually go to any one you want, you're not tied to your closest. They're really great in there and will put you at ease. They expect everyone to test regularly and it's regarded as responsible to do so, even for those coming out of a monogamous relationship and whether someone's had 1 partner or 10.

SH24 is only available in some areas for home kits. There are other companies that offer this free if you google depending on age, area, funding etc like www.freetest.me/gum-postal-test.

Hope you get tested and reassured soon

Considering I mentioned to OP that I too have been tested should be pretty self explanatory that I'm not calling anyone dirty.

@over50andfab Get a Life!
@Bedjolly was being nothing other than helpful, nothing pejorative in that post at all

@nube1 I wasn't insinuating that bejolly's post was unhelpful. Using the word clean as regards STI testing is actually widely seen as pejorative as I explained above. It can be quite stigmatising and due to the inference can stop people from getting tested.
This video "clean and dirty" might explain more if you don't understand what I'm trying to explain.

www.savinglivesuk.com/resources/videos/#uQDGq1V5i5s

Not sure why you think I should get a life?

thank you nube1