Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is my boyfriend treating me badly or am I too sensitive?

30 replies

Carrie90 · 08/08/2020 08:53

This morning I woke up with the worst menstrual migraine I've ever had, can hardly open my eyes and need the curtains closed. I have 4 children to look after all day.
My partner just started a new job and will be in there until 6pm as he stays behind for a pint. After work he will swing by the shop to get himself some beer which has become a new almost daily routine for him.
So this morning I told him how bad I was feeling and how sore I am (plus that we need bread, milk, nappies etc) and he eventually asked if there was anything he could do, but that he had no time to go to the shop before work. I responded in a joking way that maybe instead of bringing beer home tonight he could bring bread and milk. He flew off the handle at me and was shouting at me in front of DD. He then went to work an hour early (could have easily just went to the shop for the things we need for the house with the extra hour)
Am I being too sensitive? Or is he being rubbish to me? It was genuinely supposed to be funny amd I qould have apologised if given the chance. He does this a lot when I ask him for help with things or if I'm unwell. Thank you for any opinions or advice

OP posts:
Dery · 08/08/2020 08:55

It sounds like he’s treating you badly.

JustaScratch · 08/08/2020 08:56

Nah, he's being a dick.

To be fair, I don't think you were trying to be funny. I think you were asking for help but using a joking style because you were worried about how he might react. You shouldn't have to do this. You should just be able to ask for help without fear of being yelled at. I'm sorry about your migraine and hope you feel better quickly. Thanks

TwentyViginti · 08/08/2020 08:56

Why are you with this abusive alcoholic?

Shoxfordian · 08/08/2020 09:00

He could and should have just gone to get the things for you, if possible arranged some childcare or taken the day off. Kindness is a really basic requirement in a relationship and if he can't be kind to you when you're sick then why are you with him?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/08/2020 09:00

Why are you with him at all?. Is he all you think you deserve? He cares not a jot for you and these children and he is a an abusive drunk to boot. Is this model of a relationship acceptable to them, no it is not. Is this what their abiding memories of childhood should be?.

Newwayofthinking · 08/08/2020 09:02

@TwentyViginti

Why are you with this abusive alcoholic?
This
category12 · 08/08/2020 09:06

In a normal relationship, a partner would be sympathetic and even go out of their way to help you when you're sick.

eatsleepread · 08/08/2020 09:25

Are the children his?

I agree that he was definitely very off towards you, but I don't think what you said was a joke either.

Hope you feel better no

eatsleepread · 08/08/2020 09:26

Sorry, pressed send too soon. That should read better now, not no! Thanks

Strugglingtodomybest · 08/08/2020 09:30

He sounds horrible. Seriously OP, would you treat anyone, let alone the person you say you love, like this?
I mean it's all bad, but shouting at someone who has just told you that they have a migraine???

SoulofanAggron · 08/08/2020 09:41

He is abusive and unsupportive.

Yes, you made a joke about his drinking, but maybe you mentioned it because you're unnerved by it.

Sakurami · 08/08/2020 09:47

What an idiot. Can't believe he didn't go to the shop

Skills2597 · 08/08/2020 09:47

He is taking you for granted.

Whatisthisfuckery · 08/08/2020 09:56

In my experience OP people don’t post on here asking if something obviously shitty that their partner did was shitty. You know his behaviour was not acceptable. What is going on here? this Clearly isn’t the only thing.

Original poster
Carrie90 · 08/08/2020 10:01

Thank you for all of the replies, I'm overwhelmed as I was half expecting to be told I was being irrational. My previous relationship was horribly abusive and I can be unsure if how I'm being treated is OK.
He has switched his phone off so I cant contact him, which i just tried to do as I've been really violently sick from the pain.

OP posts:
BeChuille · 08/08/2020 10:02

you're not sensitive.

You are not allowed to be sick. You have four kids to look after with a migraine and you have to put up with being yelled at as well, and you probably still have to figure out how to get bread and milk in to the house.

TwentyViginti · 08/08/2020 10:06

You've gone from one abuser to another. Very common but stoppable. I suggest doing the Freedom Programme (available online) when you feel able.

SuperlativeScrubs · 08/08/2020 10:10

You need to start getting your ducks in a row as we say here on MN and get out. I have been there OP. People who fly off the handle instead of being concerned for your welfare are abusive. He is also an alcoholic.

Do you want your children to grow up thinking it is normal for a man to treat a woman this way?

LightDrizzle · 08/08/2020 10:13

You poor thing that sounds horrible.

I fear Twenti is right, she’s also right that with help you can put a stop to the cycle. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Who owns or is on the rental agreement fir your house? Do you have children with him?

BeChuille · 08/08/2020 10:13

Yes, Imagine your daughter was in pain, curled up in bed, trying to figure out how to get bread and milk for her children, and her partner YELLED AT HER.

Basically, when you need kindness and support more than ever, he yelled at you. Being nice to you or being supportive to you when everything is ticking along fine is absolutely meaningless if he will yell at you when you're in pain and need support.

That is your signal there. You cannot count on him for support.

BeChuille · 08/08/2020 10:16

@TwentyViginti

You've gone from one abuser to another. Very common but stoppable. I suggest doing the Freedom Programme (available online) when you feel able.
This is true. I left my x 14 years ago and I've been single every since (well, basically, never lived with anybody). To begin with, I would not have felt comfortable being treating with love, affection and respect. Get comfortable being on your own, enjoying your own company, reading books on self-esteem, connection, make time for your hobbies. Wine Right now you probably need two solpadeine, not a life lecture.

But life is good as a single person/parent Don't fear it. Embrace it.

BeChuille · 08/08/2020 10:18

What age is your eldest child? Can they go for milk and bread?

Nanny0gg · 08/08/2020 10:23

Anyone you can ring? (I suffered the same so I know how you feel)

He is not a 'partner' and it's only going to get worse.

Is he your children's father? What are your living circumstances?

When you feel better, start making plans

puzzledpiece · 08/08/2020 10:41

See your GP for better management of the problem, and dump the bf. he's an absolute cunt and you don't have to have someone like this in your life. If you get together with someone else, wait until you really know that man before having more children as they tie you to them and tie you further down.

Anothernick · 08/08/2020 11:46

Hes a selfish uncaring git and probably an alcoholic as well. You should not put up with it a moment longer.