I can’t stop thinking about what my life would have been like if I didn’t meet my husband.

[WhoamI83]

15 years I wasted being abused by my husband. He has taken me as far away from myself as a person can go. I look back on myself and I’m so sad at the me I’ve lost.
I think what my life would be like, whether I could have had a nice husband and kids where we were connected and loving. I could have had a great career.

It’s done though and I can’t change what’s happened. I don’t want him to take away the rest of my future also by letting it bring me down but it’s just so awful.

I can’t believe that people like him exist and can do that to others.

I'm so sorry you feel like this but well done on finally breaking free. I was in a horrible relationship for 16 years and I often reminisce about the lovely men I dated before him that I dumped. I imagine how lovely they were and how I treated them badly so I wonder if its karma for me.
One thing I try to focus on is that I wouldn't have my lovely boys if I hadn't met him and that isn't something I would change. I suppose I just wish I had got out sooner and its hard not to have regrets.

I’m not sure if it’s depression or just shut down from being overwhelmed. Or probably a bit of both.