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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why would he lie?

29 replies

berryberry44 · 07/08/2020 22:14

My boyfriend of 6 months has a habit of telling stupid lies.
Tonight I've been out for a meal and drinks with good friend.
Text him at 5pm saying I was waiting for my taxi.
He replied saying he was waiting for his friend to pick him up and they were going to the pub.
Then I text him asking how pub was and he said he was at "pub name" and having fun.
He was still at home because he left his location on.
He never left the house.
Why lie and pretend your going out with friends?
He always try's to big himself up and it drives me mad.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 07/08/2020 22:23

Ask him why he lied? We don’t know. Could be he feels less popular than you and therefore insecure. Could be something more sinister.

Original poster
berryberry44 · 07/08/2020 22:27

I don't want to ask him or it looks like I'm checking up on him.
If I say I checked your location.
He will think I'm too controlling

OP posts:
Toppingpoint · 07/08/2020 22:44

Why did you check his location? I find that really odd.

Original poster
berryberry44 · 07/08/2020 22:50

I didn't mean too.
I was turning my location on and noticed he's.

OP posts:
Newwayofthinking · 07/08/2020 22:52

@berryberry44

I didn't mean too. I was turning my location on and noticed he's.
How do you check someones location?
Phillyfog · 07/08/2020 22:55

Take it from some one who’s been there and got the t- shirt, this man will never stop telling ‘stupid’ lies. Some will be really small some will be big whoppers. He will lie for all sorts of reasons - to make himself look better, to get himself out of trouble but the base of it is - is that he thinks your stupid enough not to catch him out, which you just have done.

Your six months in. You know he is a liar. Get out now. Don’t do what I did and ignore the ‘white lies’ because one day his integrity and trust will be called in to question and you wont believe him. Ten years, marriage with two kids and the only person I can blame is myself because I knew he was a liar at the start.

Recoverandthrive · 07/08/2020 23:01

I agree with above poster. He used to tell silly lies from the start, after marriage I realised a habitual liar is one for both small and big things. It's not a good trait and can affect your whole life when they start to impact in bigger ways.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 08/08/2020 01:06

I had a bloke like this once, turns out he preferred sitting indoors doing coke to going out so he lied. Obviously that's probably not the reason here but trust me when I say if he is lying it's for a reason and if he can lie about such stupid things, well then he can lie about big things, although to counter that I wouldnt even know how to check someones location, is that something you've set up to be able to do, because if so thats weird (could be completely wrong here as not that technical)
On another note, 6 months in, it shouldn't be this difficult.

loveyoutothemoon · 08/08/2020 11:29

Maybe he's insecure and that's what he wanted you to believe to make himself feel better.

But if he lies a lot that needs adressing, can you work on it or is it a deal breaker?

IShaggedAMarriedMan · 08/08/2020 14:53

Why bother with him?

ChristmasFluff · 08/08/2020 17:11

Looking for a 'reason' is not the thing to do, because a habitual liar doesn't need a reason to lie.

Most people value truth, so they need a 'reason' to lie. But a habitual liar sees no value in the truth, so they either tell the truth or lie quite randomly. It's why they give themselves away so often - they can't keep track of their lies or their truth, because there is no reason for either.

Don't waste any more months on him. You would be foolish to trust a liar.

Bin85 · 08/08/2020 17:13

Unless he left phone at home ?

Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2020 17:14

This man is nothing but trouble and a future with him would be a misery. He's a liar and always will be. Run for the fucking hills.

fairydustandpixies · 08/08/2020 17:20

I do this regularly to my mum. We live 2hrs apart and she worries I'm lonely and isolated (I have decades of MH problems). I tell her I've been out or am with so and so rather than have her worry sick because I've not even got out of bed that day. It makes her happy and lets her sleep at night.

I'm not saying this is the issue with your BF but worth considering the mental health aspect of it. He may not want you to think he's 'some sad pathetic loser who never goes out'.

JulyBreeze · 08/08/2020 20:12

Those kind of lies, for no logical reason, can be a sign of an abuser OP.....

As a friend used to say of her abusive ex, if he'd put his left sock on first that morning, and you asked him which one was first later, he'd tell you it was the right, just to 'keep his options open' ....

mouldygrapes · 08/08/2020 20:19

Unless he left phone at home?

He replied saying he was in the pub having fun.
OP, cut your losses. My brother is a compulsive liar and has broken so many hearts. The lying is as natural as breathing, and it won’t stop.
If you challenge him he’ll get defensive and turn it around to make out you’re crazy

DoWahDiddy · 08/08/2020 22:27

Like a previous poster alluded to, to be a good liar you need to have a good memory. My dad is a compulsive liar. Our relationship consists of the bare minimum. I just can't stand the glaring bullshit. It's destructive. My dad is my anti-hero, i.e., he is the antithesis of everything I aspire to be.

When confronting idiots like these the response is either plausible deniability or a pathetic bullshit excuse. Gotta go with...

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Dontletitbeyou · 09/08/2020 07:34

Agree with all the other pp’s.
Liars lie , about everything . Sometimes it’s small and insignificant , others will be huge and anything but .
6 months in , he’s already giving you pause for thought . Do yourself a huge favour and lose him . Your future self would thank you .

mrsmummy1111 · 09/08/2020 07:39

@berryberry44

I didn't mean too. I was turning my location on and noticed he's.
LOL does nobody else find it ironic that this is a BLATENT lie from the OP....on a thread about lying.

Do you expect anyone to believe that you just "happened" to be randomly switching on your location, then just "happened" to see his location whilst doing it.

Sounds like you and your boyfriend were made for each other

Divebar · 09/08/2020 07:44

Why would a couple of 6 months be able to see each other’s locations? How does that even happen? I find all the surveillance and policing of people nowadays really disconcerting.

Lockdowners · 09/08/2020 07:47

I once switched my location over to my iPad as I didn’t want any questions from a friend about where I was going on a particular day.
Could he have done this?

Maybe ask him about the pub and how it is handling Covid, or ask him who he was with and what they were up to to push him to confess.

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 09/08/2020 08:02

Compulsive liar. Bin. Wipe hands, walk away

AlternativePerspective · 09/08/2020 08:08

Well, if you’re checking his location then clearly you already don’t trust him. And maybe that’s why he lies.

If you’re spying on him (and no, you don’t accidentally see someone’s location, neither does any normal couple allow one another access to their location after six months) then maybe he’s sick of the questioning and so told a lie.

barbrahunter · 09/08/2020 08:16

I had a few dates with a man who pretended to be involved in a profession I happen to know a bit about. It was blatantly obvious he hadn't a clue about it. Why lie? I wouldn't have been bothered if he hadn't done some of the stuff he lied about doing.
As others have said, the trouble is that liars never only lie about one thing, so I ended up wondering what if anything was actually true about all the things he told me about himself, and that's crazy. We split up.

HollowTalk · 09/08/2020 08:23

@Bin85

Unless he left phone at home ?
He was replying to her messages.
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