AIBU to feel upset

[Millysown]

Hi,

My sister passed away 5 years ago leaving her husband and 2 kids, following a long illness. I’ve stayed fairly close to my BIL and have a decent amount of contact with her kids.

He has recently gone into a new relationship with another man and I can’t help but feel weird about it. I know it’s none of my business and I don’t begrudge him happiness but I had no inkling that he was into guys. From what I saw, he had a happy and normal marriage with my sister. We’ve lots of gay Friends and relatives and I’ve absolutely no homophobia in me whatsoever. I just feel weird about it. DJ has told me to get over it or risk my relationship With him and my nephews. AIBU to feel weird?

It may be just the case on anyone replacing your sister.

He could always have been bi. He might recently have come out. This relationship and new partner take nothing away from your sister and what they shared.

Can you be more specific about what’s bothering you? Do you feel like he lied to your sister about who he was or something?

If he’s happy and his children are happy then try to be happy for them all. He’s been alone for 5 years and they must all have suffered through her illness. He deserves to have a fulfilling relationship.

I would worry that his feelings for your sister weren't right. But he could be bi

Well, of course it's a surprise and it's ok to be taken aback.

It doesn't take away anything from the marriage he had with your sister - if they were happy together, they were happy, don't rewrite history.

You do need to hide the fuck out out of those weirded-out feelings and be accepting towards his new partner and him, tho.

Your sister may have been fully aware that he was bi and perhaps being with a woman after losing her would cause him too much pain and feels more comfortable dating men at the moment.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your sister. I think its understandable to be upset in these circumstances and I personally would probably feel the same.

You know yourself though that your feelings shouldn't be a reason to mar your relationship with him or your nephews. His relationship with your sister was no less likely to be loving, honest and meaningful than if he was seeing a woman just now.

How are your nephews coping with it, are they okay? Is this his first relationship since your sister passed?

Firstly you sound perfectly nice and your reaction to this sounds perfectly normal!

Secondly I am bi, but I don't tell everyone (not due to shame, just because it would be weird to say hello yes I'm (my partners name)'s partner but I find women attractive too!

So this may well be something she knew about and although it may seem like a big deal to you, it may be something she knew about and even if it wasn't it doesn't change anything about their relationship.

So don't feel bad for feeling surprised and confused but also don't make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Most importantly, I'm so sorry for your loss