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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New relationship and the future. Wwyd?

12 replies

Twteet · 07/08/2020 10:59

Met someone rather unexpectedly and we have been seeing each other for 3 months. Early days but after being single for a very long time I really like him. We have spent a lot of time together in those 3 months and want the same things in life etc. It's amazingly easy and straight forward so far which is a good sign I think. Before I met him I was planning on buying my own small property, for me and DD. We have talked about the future in terms of both wanting more children but haven't said to each other we want children with each other etc, it's still early days.

So my question is do I buy my small house as planned for me and DD? And don't include him in the equation? Obviously it's far too soon to live together now, I'm thinking more about the next year or so. We are both late 30s so time is not really on our side if we want children together. Saying that I know it's only 3 months so don't want to jump ahead of things. If it did get more serious, we could potentially buy a much bigger place together and have a child together etc. But I don't want to move and then move again with DD. Sorry this is a bit jumbled. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time and always thought I'd be single so actually meeting someone who I really like has been a surprise. But I'm also realistic and know things might not work out. Wondering to what extent I should include him in future plans? I could put house hunting on hold for a few more months or not. Wwyd?

OP posts:
baileys6904 · 07/08/2020 11:18

It's only 3 months. Don't change your plans and do what's right for you and dd. He will work round them, if he's a keeper

Chocolate123 · 07/08/2020 11:24

It's 3 months you are still in the honeymoon period. Buy your house for yourself and DD. If it's meant to be then in the future you can re think your living arrangements

Twteet · 07/08/2020 12:53

Thank you. Good advice Smile

OP posts:
Dozer · 07/08/2020 12:56

Go ahead with your plans. You have an existing DC to consider. 3 months in you really do NOT know if you want the same things, are compatible etc - just what you’ve each said.

Sakurami · 07/08/2020 13:13

Buy your house and see how your relationship develops. Also see how he is with your DD etc. It's not that big a deal to move again if need be and he could always move in with you until you have another baby or the baby gets big enough to need own room etc.

amiascrazyastheysay · 07/08/2020 13:21

Buy the house, the other things will work out. You and DD need a roof over yer heads. Thanks the most important thing.

anotherdisaster · 07/08/2020 14:22

Absolutely buy the house. I met someone and thought it would last, I ended it after 7 months. 3 months is nothing. Its also quite soon to be talking about having kids etc.

spacepoppers · 07/08/2020 14:25

It's early days, carry on with your original plans. That said, maybe look at places that can be extended in future if needed?

AllsortsofAwkward · 07/08/2020 14:29

Geez its 3 months way too far even mocing in togerhe after year and having a child is fast when you already have a little girl.

eatsleepread · 07/08/2020 14:45

There is no one in their right mind who'd advise you not to proceed with your original plan.

Stella8686 · 07/08/2020 14:52

Definitely buy the house.

I hope you two do end up together for ever.

With it being YOUR house and you having DD you can test the dynamic of having him stay over/ live with you later in a safe space for DD.

Rather than in a year DD has new house and new person living there. It would feel like you were all moving together then and having tested the living situation first where you are comfortable x

updownroundandround · 07/08/2020 15:17

Do not change your plans for a house for you and DD.

In 3 months you haven't even scratched the surface of who he is and what he's really like.

Relationships are like plants, they take time to grow...................

Take things very slow with new man to safeguard your DD from being hurt.

Also, if in the future you do want to move in together, make damn sure to discuss finances etc and get a solicitor to write up a document saying he has no claim on your house if you split.

This will protect you and DD should he turn out to be a cocklodger (who is only interested in bed, board, babysitting, sex and housekeeping).

Be very wary of ANY guy who is so full on as to be wanting to move in with you after such a short relationship.

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