I've experienced anxiety and insomnia (due to anxiety) for 5 years and yesterday I called the gp and spoke to them about it - afterwards I cried and I felt really emotional
I think it first started when I went back to work after my youngest child started school. My DH is SE with his own business and I had been an employee but it seemed financially more beneficial to SAH when DC were preschool age.
When I went back to work, at first I loved the banter at work and the creativity, and not being "mummy" 24/7 but soon realised what a shit financial position our business was in. Once I was back at work DH seemed to hand over all the "business" part to me and concentrated solely on the practical tasks (which admittedly he is better at)
I started to really panic at the amount we were overdrawn and the responsibilities of wages, rent, pensions, bills, accounts etc. (I had stupidly been unaware of this all the time I was a SAHM) I would go through cycles of not sleeping for days and waking up panicking. Then the next day I would feel shaky and tired, and unable to motivate myself. This led to panicking about other things and I would have periods where I didnt sleep, or I would wake up in a sweat, feel my stomach churning etc...and then have the same feelings of lethargy, shaking, heart pounding etc during the day. But then had periods of a few weeks in between when I would be ok. During the anxiety phases I feel really guilty that I am unmotivated and not really being a good enough wife or mother.
During this time my Ddad became terminally ill and last year he passed away. Last summer I didnt sleep for weeks on end and virtually existed on red bull. If I said anything to DH about not sleeping, he would shrug and say you'll prob sleep better tomorrow as you'll be so tired, ignoring the fact that I wasnt sleeping for days at a time. When I knew my Ddad was literally days away from dying I took DH and DC to see him. DH said he would stay in the car but I knew it would be the last time he saw him so I said he should come in. He was really shocked despite the fact I'd been updating him just how unwell Ddad was becoming.
Coronavirus has added another layer of stuff to feel anxious about and we have taken out a loan to try to keep business going. I told DH I was going to speak to the dr about anxiety and he just shrugged and said well they'll probably just put you on anti depressants. I didnt think they would, and they didnt, although the dr mentioned the possibility. DH asked how I got on last night, and I said the dr said I could self refer for counselling...DH said "counselling???" In such a shocked tone. I'm not sure what he was expecting. I feel like it's a big thing to ask for help but I really feel like DH cant accept that I cant just pull myself together. (He was a bit like that when I had PND)