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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anxiety and insomnia for 5 years - yesterday I sought help

5 replies

Namechangr9000 · 07/08/2020 05:33

I've experienced anxiety and insomnia (due to anxiety) for 5 years and yesterday I called the gp and spoke to them about it - afterwards I cried and I felt really emotional

I think it first started when I went back to work after my youngest child started school. My DH is SE with his own business and I had been an employee but it seemed financially more beneficial to SAH when DC were preschool age.

When I went back to work, at first I loved the banter at work and the creativity, and not being "mummy" 24/7 but soon realised what a shit financial position our business was in. Once I was back at work DH seemed to hand over all the "business" part to me and concentrated solely on the practical tasks (which admittedly he is better at)

I started to really panic at the amount we were overdrawn and the responsibilities of wages, rent, pensions, bills, accounts etc. (I had stupidly been unaware of this all the time I was a SAHM) I would go through cycles of not sleeping for days and waking up panicking. Then the next day I would feel shaky and tired, and unable to motivate myself. This led to panicking about other things and I would have periods where I didnt sleep, or I would wake up in a sweat, feel my stomach churning etc...and then have the same feelings of lethargy, shaking, heart pounding etc during the day. But then had periods of a few weeks in between when I would be ok. During the anxiety phases I feel really guilty that I am unmotivated and not really being a good enough wife or mother.

During this time my Ddad became terminally ill and last year he passed away. Last summer I didnt sleep for weeks on end and virtually existed on red bull. If I said anything to DH about not sleeping, he would shrug and say you'll prob sleep better tomorrow as you'll be so tired, ignoring the fact that I wasnt sleeping for days at a time. When I knew my Ddad was literally days away from dying I took DH and DC to see him. DH said he would stay in the car but I knew it would be the last time he saw him so I said he should come in. He was really shocked despite the fact I'd been updating him just how unwell Ddad was becoming.

Coronavirus has added another layer of stuff to feel anxious about and we have taken out a loan to try to keep business going. I told DH I was going to speak to the dr about anxiety and he just shrugged and said well they'll probably just put you on anti depressants. I didnt think they would, and they didnt, although the dr mentioned the possibility. DH asked how I got on last night, and I said the dr said I could self refer for counselling...DH said "counselling???" In such a shocked tone. I'm not sure what he was expecting. I feel like it's a big thing to ask for help but I really feel like DH cant accept that I cant just pull myself together. (He was a bit like that when I had PND)

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 07/08/2020 06:04

Hi op. I am so sorry you’ve had a lot to deal with. Really sorry about your dad.
Your dh doesn’t sound at all supportive and so I wanted to say how brilliant it is you are looking after yourself.
If you can’t talk meaningfully with dh about this then just keep yourself a priority at the moment. Counselling sounds good.
I recognise some of what you have posted but at a lower level - mine triggered by the death of my lovely old ma a year or so ago. I feel constantly on alert (for what god knows) which feels like low grade anxiety to me and I am considering talking to my gp about it. So I wanted to say good luck. It’s so tough but so are we. Support.

blackcat86 · 07/08/2020 06:16

Its a massive thing to ask for help so well done. If he isn't on board with it don't let that stop you. I have PND and PNA and although I really wanted someone to see that I was struggling practically, emotionally and mentally no one did. No one was that bothered even when I was diagnosed and it was seen as a bit of an imposition. That doesn't mean you shouldn't move forward with positive lifestyle changes and anything that will help you like counselling. Do it for yourself regardless. Your DH sounds very head in the sand and like he's happy for you to take on all the stress of life so that he doesn't have to. He was head in the sand about the business finances by the sound of it, ignored and downplayed your MH issues and stress and downplayed how seriously ill your dad was. Notice the pattern and try to stop taking on the stress. Dh is an adult to and needs to start acting like one!

Namechangr9000 · 13/08/2020 16:51

Thank you for your replies, and sorry you are struggling as well. I actually felt more positive last weekend and went running for the first time in a couple of weeks and enjoyed it.
I used the link the gp sent for counselling but (no suprise) they aim to get back to me in 6 weeks so who knows when counselling might start. I contacted a private psychologist who could see me in september but I'm worried about affording it.
But had a really overwhelming day yesterday and haven't slept for a few days, feeling really shattered today and low and such a failure to my lovely DC. yesterday I heard DS say to DH when are we next doing something fun? And DH said he didn't know because hes working long hours. I could have cried. DS is the most undemanding child you could wish for and he deserves some fun.
DH is very stressed about work and working long hours but we never see the pay off because our rent (for work) is so high.(although he doesn't help by taking on new customers when we can barely keep up with the existing ones) I feel so trapped as we have nearly 2 years left on our lease so are stuck paying most of what we earn to our landlord. There just isn't a way out.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 13/08/2020 17:12

What would happen if you went bankrupt OP? Would it get you out? If you broke up with your dp, would you be liable? What debts would you have, how would they be managed? I have no idea about these things, so sorry if that's a silly question! But it sounds like you could do with speaking to a financial expert, so that if things do go tits up, at least they do it in a controlled manner and you don't have any suprises. People's businesses go bust and people fall into debt all the time, and there are systems in place to deal with that.

Are you against anti-depressants for any specific reason? Sounds like you are depressed - the sleeplessness is a typical symptom.

ravenmum · 13/08/2020 17:14

Looks as if these are on again btw: www.nhft.nhs.uk/crisis-cafe

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