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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just don't know what to do for the best

10 replies

badgerread · 06/08/2020 16:46

I'm 50 next year, two DS (16 and 11) divorced but been with DP 8 years, we don't live together, he also has two DS (17 and 15). We have talked about moving in together a number of times but because of various factors (mainly me terrified of losing my independence) it's never happened.

He is kind, trustworthy, loves me, brilliant with my boys, supportive, we talk a lot, he's the first person I would go to for advice, gets on great with my friends and family, basically my best friend. Negatives are, bit of a Disney Dad, issues with ExW and a bit tight.

My problem is I've gone off any sort of sexual activity with him. Anything. We are affectionate and touchy feely, but that's it. I find the thought of kissing or sex with him just awful and I don't know how it's happened? it was good up until around 4 years ago when I just went off it? I've tried supplements, counselling, everything. It's not fair on him, he's been so patient and understanding and I feel like a cow. I can't just 'do it for the sake of it'. It's not as if I've gone off sex but just sex with him?

My question is can it come back? should I leave and let him find someone else? I just don't know what to do....

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 06/08/2020 17:18

Once the 'ick' hits, it rarely comes back.
I think you need to 'free' him of this.
Let him find someone else who does want him sexually.
And then move on with your life.

Oopsiedaisyy · 06/08/2020 17:24

Can't come back from the Ick

LongPauseNoReply · 06/08/2020 17:30

Once the ick strikes that’s it OP. Time to move on.

nearly50andstillhavenoidea · 06/08/2020 17:31

Oh Gawwwd, I thought that might be the case....

rvby · 06/08/2020 17:36

A man who is tight has to be the least attractive thing in the world.

Men with high testosterone tend to be generous... fwiw. From my side, nothing makes my undercarriage slam shut quite like a man who is stingy.

It does sound like the ick. Not sure if theres a way back but counselling (individually, for you) would probably be best.

BloomingGoodTea · 06/08/2020 17:39

If you’ve just gone off sex with him the that’s the end. Move on. Are you menopausal by any chance?

BloomingGoodTea · 06/08/2020 17:40

What is ‘ick’ btw?? 🤔

hellsbellsmelons · 06/08/2020 17:57

“'The ick' is a newly-coined term that applies to the sudden onset of the feeling that a person to whom one was previously attracted is suddenly unattractive to the point where physical contact seems revolting,”

nearly50andstillhavenoidea · 06/08/2020 18:01

blooming peri maybe but not full on menopausal no, still get regular periods..

BloomingGoodTea · 06/08/2020 19:43

Ahhh ok

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