Separated from H 10 years ago. Not yet divorced (long story). 3 dd's, my eldest is from a previous relationship. Eldest was 3 when I met him so she knew him as her dad. He left when she was 15 and he never saw her again. He continued to see pur 2 dd's who were 2 and 5 at the time. Every other weekend he would take them to his parents. On a Thursday he would take them for 2 hours. That lasted about 2 years. Then it changed to every other Sunday and Thursday for 2 hours. Over the past 8 years, he has cancelled occasions due to going on holiday or having had plans etc. He never would change the day.
Around about that time he stopped going to school parents evening, never attended birthday parties, never had them over Christmas or new year or taken them on holiday. When they would visit him (well his parents as he doesn't go to his house he shares with his girlfriend, never got to the bottom of why), they were told to watch films whilst he watched the football in another room. On summer days, I would ask if they had been to the park, beach, anywhere really, the answer was always no. My dd's have out of school activities in which they need taking and picking up. He won't help with this. I have more or less begged for his help over the years as I have been trying to work and study to be able to be financially stable. He just will not help at all. I gave up asking about 3 years ago. He communicates with them via mobile as they have a phone now they're older. I actually forget he exists. My dd's have just continued to go to his parents every other Sunday as they feel they should. Some times it could be 6 weeks tgat he hasn't seen them due to him going away or saying he's out.
I have worked through lockdown and it's been the hardest thing ever. Dd's have been off school too. Even though fathers were allowed to see their children, he decided against it. It's what I preferred too. Not one phone call, a few texts here and there. Even when we were told we could bubble, nothing changed. It's been 5 months and he took them out to eat twice, to his parents once in the garden. He took them to his house 3 weeks ago and apparently the girlfriend stayed upstairs. Then again 2 weeks ago after going for a walk. They called in for a drink and my youngest asked to look around as it's a new home, he said no. There are so many stories involving him and his lack of parenting, far too many to post.
The reason I am today is because he hasn't planned on seeing them since, he cancelled and said he was working on something at home. My concern is that, when I was younger, my dad was never there for me. In and out of my life. I grew up thinking I wasn't good enough. My dd's question now, why their dad doesn't want to see them. I believe a parent can do more damage being in and out of their children's life compared to being non existent.