Sex with new man was a disaster

[bloomingmad]

I've been dating someone for a few weeks. He is such a lovely man who I like a lot and I haven't met anyone so kind and thoughtful ever. Last night he came to mine to watch a film and things got a bit heated. We went up to the bedroom but he couldn't get hard enough.

He said that it has been a while since he has been intimate with someone and I could tell he was nervous. It wasn't really that awkward, we just kissed and cuddled but I'm worried that he will never be able to satisfy me.

Do you think it could be something that will get better in time? Having been in a marriage that became sexless because he couldn't perform I would be really gutted if I fell for someone with the same problem. This new man is 39.

@LuluLala2

Oh come on. It’s a big thing for men to perform and can feel really pressurising. You can’t predict how nerves and anxiety will affect an erection. Some men need to feel comfortable with a sexual partner in the exact same way a woman might! Men are not cock machines always ready to go!

I don't think there is any point worrying about it yet. Relax and enjoy each other's company and see how things go, in every department.

I think performance anxiety the first time doesn't necessarily make it a write off just yet, but I can see why you're concerned after your last partner. I've experienced a lot of ED, and each time with a new partner, I hope for it not to happen.

Another thing is you describe him as 'kind and thoughtful,' effectively 'nice.' When we see a man that way it can be a sign there isn't much of a spark on your side. Do you find him very attractive?

If he's not hot in the beginning he never will be.

I am very attracted to him. So he is quite perfect really. And he seems really into me. He makes a lot of effort to see me despite being a 40 minute drive away from me. He is happy to drive to me even if it is to spend a short period of time with me and he has a long commute for work too.

give him a break
performance anxiety is real , just be relaxed, kind and loving .

Completely normal . I’ve experienced this with a man that hadn’t had sex in ages. We had so much build up , he just couldn’t get hard when the time came. Actually, we kept meeting and he didn’t get an erection until our fifth time of trying. I never put pressure on him, we used to go to bed with some wine and talk and laugh and generally muck about. In the end , he was fabulous, well worth the wait, no problems after that. I’m so glad I didn’t give up on him.

I'd give it a bit more time, but honestly not too long. A month, sure. Four months, no way. You'd just be wasting your time.

Cant believe how many are saying its normal for first time and stick at it. It isnt too early to consider if something is a red flag either confused
I would be turned off. I want someone confident in bed

And this is the problem...

A chap is dissed by a rolling eyed woman who gets impatient, and the bloke gets more nervous..and it can't be nice for their pride.

Young men are pogoing off the walls.....but older ones {40's} especially if they drink are not the same.

A bit of patience is needed.

Condoms seem to act like salt on a slug ti some men, unfortunately.

That isn't a disaster, you didn't even get into it! Give him a couple of chances and don't make a big deal about it or it will be more likely to happen again.