Should I date someone or is it too early during divorce? someone with kids or loner?

[nomorebastard]

I am on the divorce process and child arrangement court. We haven't yet sorted the finance either but just exchanged the details (He is asking his "entitlement", not me") costing me a fortune (4 times higher than his cost so far for some reason)

My ex now has a girlfriend (with a daughter of the same age as my son) after 8 months from the separation (presume that he met her just after 2months and been seeing her during the lockdown as I saw on his statement that he subscribed on tinder at that time) and since his new relationship has been revealed accidentally he now really doesn't care(do whatever he want in front of the camera phone calls or when he is with my son).

My son loves them already (6 years old) because he can play with her daughter and they have a dog ( my son extremely loves dogs and cats) which makes me quite sad that I feel I've lost my only-child-be already. It has been no social distancing between my son and them at all.

Anyhow, now I feel ok! if he dates someone why not me? I have been going through a very hard time too but on the other hand, I feel too early to meet someone even before the finalised my divorce?

When we separated, I was sick of him, thought myself that I will not meet anyone, etc. and then slowly changed my mind that I am going to meet someone exactly opposite of him; rich(at least I don't have to be a breadwinner for a long time like I did with my ex), tall, handsome, kind, no swear, no hot-temper, etc (all the fairy tails in my head).

Now, realistic imagination is going on. Would it be better with someone with children or loner?(of course he should love kids)
I'd love to hear about what advantages and disadvantages of someone with/without children/child.

another worry that would it be successful with the second relationship?

First of all- you don’t have to date just because STBXH is.

No one can tell you if it’s better to date a father or not. You might meet someone with no children of his own who LOVES kids and would love your son. Or you could meet someone who has his own bio kids but is a waste of space father. There’s no hard answer to this. I think it really comes down to WHO you meet. They need to understand that your DS always comes first and be on the same page as you- whether they have a bio child or not really wont determine how “good” they’ll be for you.

OP why not register on line. Meet a few for coffee (nothing more), then lunch and See what happens. No need to make decisions like that now.

Someone without children isn't a loner OP, I think it would help if you get that idea out of your head.

Do what feels right for you, don't be influenced by what your ex is doing.

Be careful!! Online dating is full of married men, abusive men, men looking for a woman to pay for them and house them (cocklodgers). Go on to the dating threads to do some research and take things very slowly and look out for red flags. You will be ok as a single parent though and it's fun being single, you can just do things for you and your child, there's no rush

Go for it, it could take your mind of the stresses of divorce and while your son is at his dads you could be on a date.
I don't think it's too soon for dating if your ready for it. I dated soon as I separated, no regrets even the bad ones, I saw it as learning about what I really wanted.

To answer your question to meet someone with or without children, depends on how you can sync up dates in both your child free time, ages of children involved and if you really want a blended family, more cost involved if you move in together one day
Without children makes it easier to find time together when only one of you needs to find child free time.
I have a bf without children, he doesn't want them but doesn't mind that I have them, mine aren't that young anyway.

Will another relationship be successful? I'm afraid that answer is out of anyone's hands, that's a risk if you go into a relationship.