Iv been in a domestic abusive relationship for 6 years. We have 2 beautiful children.
There has been mental, physical and emotional abuse... it started when I got pregnant with our 3year old. He would stop me from going out with friends, try to isolate me from my family, I had to answer my phone at all times, he would call me names, put me down, smash up my phone, break my things, Iv been punched, kicked, dragged or thrown across rooms, strangled, held in stress positions naked, he threatened me with a dumbbell, a knife, he cut my hair with a knife, held hot spoons against my skin... the list goes on. He also cheated on me after I gave birth to our daughter, something he denies.
I left last year and he didn’t see or speak to me or the children. I accidentally ran into him in January this year and he wormed his way back into my life. I thought things would have been different but we soon ended up in the same situation as last time, only this time I stood up to him.... it ended up with me breaking his nose. He wouldn’t press charges against me but made me feel like I “owe” him something, that I should respect him for what he has done for me. Social services are now involved in my children’s lives.
Iv left again and I’m now living with my parents.
I should feel relieved, feel happy that Iv got away but I’m sat here pining for a broken relationship, missing this man that treated me so badly, wishing things could have been different.
You hear all these stories about women leaving and never looking back, feeling happier than ever,
But you never hear about the ones, for some reason, still love their abusers?
Why do I still love him?
Why do I still miss him?
Why do I still want him back?
Feel stupid even writing this 