Can such a person change

[Namechange20204]

I've named changed for this but some of you may know who I am from the following.

Ex was abusive, not only towards me but towards our young dd. I've been told this is all in the past and I should move forward even if I suspect abuse is still on going.. can such a person really change when he has done things like:

Towards me
Telling me what I should and shouldn't be eating
Breaking down my self esteem and getting me to have cosmetic surgery only to then tell his friends I had surgery
Coervicely getting me to have sex with him.. I.e. pressuring me, sulking, getting angry, still touching me after I've said no
Telling me people would have to be blind to find me attractive and hissing at me, yes hissing, when I didn't wear make up
Telling me he didn't want my family being an influence on dd or I
Threatening to kill me and then said it was a joke

To dd
Threatening to slap and beat her
Calling her all sorts of names, shouting at her
Throwing water in dds face
Saying he make her an orphan
Calling her racial slurs
Generally being neglectful.. not ensuring she was in car seat properly, leaving hot drinks on the floor when dd was crawling, left her unsupported on sofa at 6 weeks, unattended on bed when she could roll over to go watch TV
And general lack of interest

No.

It's a cluster b personality disorder. It forms when they are a young age and isnt 'fixable' because be isnt broken, he just isnt like you. He is a predator.

Stay away from him and keep your lovely daughter away too.

Ih and that Lundy bankroft book ' why does he do that?' that is recommended on here a lot, might be a good read for you.

You can also check out vloggers on youtube such as melanie tonia Evans, who talks about narcissists.

Who the fuck is telling you to 'forgive and forget'? Him, his family? Fuck them. Your friends and family? Well fuck them too.

Yeah anyone who is telling you to forgive that shit - is not your friend.

Please be aware that when we have abusers in our lives, often there are more of them around. Could be a parent or a 'friend's but be on the look out. They often want you to stay with the abusive partner or give them another chance.

People like that do not want good things for you and you should remove them from your life too.

Maybe they can change but not on your or your dd's time.
Surely you and your daughter have suffered enough to even care.
Why does it matter if he changes? He's used enough of both of your precious time

No. He may change a little but ultimately with all that history the answer’s no.

No no no no no.

This is bullshit. Whoever is telling you to ignore this behaviour is delusional at best, deliberately putting you and your daughter I danger at worst.

Run. Don't look back.

If I am following from this poster correctly I think it's the courts that are telling her to move on. The system is neglectful.
You have my sympathy op. I'm in a similar but less severe situation and honestly if it got as bad as your I wouldn't be able to eat or sleep. You must be going out your mind

@Dogssox, it is the court and also ex solicitor's/barrister. Oh I've not ate or slept properly in months, dd is now terrified when we go to the handover point that it'll be to see her dad and it's somewhere we frequently visit and stopped speaking. Now been referred to a paediatric doctor for the speech regression. It's stressful but I won't give up. It's just trying to protect dd from someone who has been so damaging yet have 'professionals' telling me to move on.

Luckily my family are so supportive and when I have moments of doubt will remind me of his actions. But currently they're under a lot of pressure too and I don't want to add to that.

This is terrifying. I never understand how the authorities make these disgusting decisions. I'm so sorry for you all.

@scotsllb not only making these decisions but saying I should get over it, it's in the past, it's about a father daughter relationship. Baffles me as I think the same father who threw water in her face and in obsessed with the portions of food she has even though she is a growing human. Now I have no idea what happens in contact apart from what he chooses to tell me but I highly doubt the abusive man I and dd have met is very far from the surface.

How damaging. Social services etc berate women for staying with these disgusting men and put the blame on them for not having the guts to leave etc and the men just get no reprimand at all!
Then they start pushing these men's rights on abused and vulnerable women and children. It makes my blood boil how it's set up. It's so backwards and damaging.
I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I hope you can get good legal assistance and advocacy to fight your corner.
Your poor daughter

You know how difficult it was for you to change, to not accept this for you and your daughter?

SO hard. And you did it , because of the pain if you didn't.

He isn't in pain. He does what he does to get the results he wants. Eventually, when the 'old' ways don;'t work, he'll try something else. But it isn't real change. It's an act.

But you know this. Block, ignore, keep your daughter safe

Definitely doing my best at keeping dd safe, it's especially difficult when everything I do or issue I raise I'm being painted as obstructive.