How to stop worrying what people think of you be more open

[weasil42]

I've always had quite up and down self-esteem and think I also have some social anxiety, although it's never been diagnosed. I have 3 really close friends of 10 years + who I communicated with very openly and never worry what they think of me, but with other people, I'm always self-conscious about what I say and feel concerned that they are judging me.

This has got worse since lockdown restrictions have started to be lifted as I feel like I've just got nothing interesting to say. For example, I went to a close friend's the other day for wine in the garden and when I arrived it turned out she had also invited someone else who i only vaguely know. I spent the whole afternoon not saying much at all, even though if it had just been me and close friend I would have talked about a long walk I'd been on the day before or a good documentary that I'd recently watched on TV. I just felt none of my stories were good enough for the other person. Similarly, I went round a work colleague's house yesterday (we are still wfh) to drop off some documents and she asked what i'd been doing and I just said nothing much because again I felt like I had nothing interesting to say.

I realise that i'm probably about to get stuck in some kind of vicious circle because if I don't say much people will think i'm a bit dull and not invite me anywhere, and then i won't have anything to talk about because i haven't been anywhere etc etc.

Title should be and be more open

I wouldn’t place too much importance at this time on not having anything to say. With lockdown, as time as gone on, I have less and less to say to my DH and close friends.

It’s good that you have good friends that you can talk openly about. It does change the dynamic if your close friend invited somebody else to the meet up. I think you have to learn to master small talk so you can speak to acquaintances without going too deep. Have some topics prepared and then practise. Most people should be kind and polite enough to make small talk back.

@weasil42, there is nothing wrong with not being keen on people. (just saying). I don't like most people, exactly because I find them not interesting enough. But I know I am a pain, so I do not go places, so I am not a pain for whoever is the company.

Also, most people prefer to talk rather than to listen, so you being in a group of people who just speak will be perfectly fine for everyone else.

As for you feeling like people do not find long walks and documentaries interesting - change the people you meet (I prefer talks about whale migration over new shoes talk any bloody day).

I can relate. My head goes blank when people ask me what I’ve been up, even if I’ve been up to a lot. Feel I’m being judged on my every word and hate talking about myself. I can often be really quiet in a group, but the opposite when I’m around people I feel relaxed around. It takes a lot to get to that point. I look around and feel like no one else seems to have this problem.