Were any of you privy to your DM's affairs?

[Geppili]

And if so, do you think the experience affected you? It has me. Not least as my DC go through the ages I was. My DM had almost continual affairs. The earliest one I was aware of was when I was six. She continued throughout my childhood. As I got older she shared details with me. It made me feel ill and sick with guilt, anxiety and shame.

I feel so sad as I watch my DC grow up and pass through stages I went through, each being marked by having my mother's lover around and for wishing my stepfather (alcoholic) stood up to my mother. Can anyone relate?

No, but my best friend had both parents’ affairs paraded past her from an early age, and it had a disastrous effect on her education, as things seemed to get particularly dramatic around A-levels and Finals, suicide threats etc.

Ironically, her parents are still together thirty years later, but she’s NC with them.

Not by my DM but my DF. I had to look after DM and my little sister from an early age after each affair she discovered when she fell apart. I had to see photos, listen to phone calls...totally messed me up. Went on my whole childhood. They're still married.

I can , though coming at it from a slightly different angle. My DM was a single parent who , when I was around 13, started an affair with her best friend's husband. He had a daughter the same age as me...we would go to their house and we would play together...I would wonder if she (or her DM) knew what was going on.

I would hear him come to our house when I was in bed...I would watch him leave in the early hours of the morning.

A few times I asked her about it and my DM got angry and said I'd imagined it...it effected our relationship massively.

I didn't respect her and now I have a teenage daughter of my own, it makes me understand her actions towards me less.

Sad really.

Thanks for your replies! I think being with my DC during lockdown has made me reflect on how horrible it was for me. I am so sorry for your childhoods being distorted in this way. Thanks so much for all sharing. I just cannot get over the thought of betraying my husband, let alone making my children complicit in that.

Not my DM, but DF. I was a teenager in the late 1970' when it started and it was just comical, it was so crazy. I recall just laughing over it all because their behavior was so absurd - his promiscuity and DM determined to write it off as normal mid-life crisis (which was all the rage in the 1970s).

I learned married men prefer their mistresses over their wives, but stay with the wives out of guilt and money. Put that in a Hallmark card.