A bit of history - split up with ex husband a couple of years ago after 18 years when I realised I he was contributing nothing to the relationship and I’d spent our whole relationship taking charge and responsibility for everything! We’ve remained amicable as have kids together. Dated a bit - couple of bad experiences, most seemed mostly interested in sex and not much more - couple who wanted more but luckily I managed to eventually click onto red flags before things got too serious!!
I’ve been dating a guy who I met before lockdown - lots of lengthy conversations during lockdown finding out lots about each other - last three months since things eased we’ve met up quite a bit, been away together and we get on really well. I’ve probably been a bit too eager to rush into things, a tendency I know I have and we’ve talked about the future as seeing us living together etc. I was initially very reluctant to get too involved though as he’s 47 to my 39 and never had a relationship that lasted more than a year. He also lives with parents still and has never moved out!! He’s always worked but relatively low paid jobs as has had long standing health issues and states didn’t see the point in moving out from parents to council accommodation etc when they’re happy to have him there. Now they’re elderly and in ill health he does a lot to support them as well as working 60+ hours a week. I think the ill health has been a factor in not pursuing relationships if I’m honest but his health issues isn’t something that’s a concern to me. So I moved past this.
He is a lovely genuine guy, we can talk for hours, sex is great, he doesn’t pressure me, he constantly compliments me and is very complimentary, no game playing and I know that he’s very keen on me. He’s happy to support me with the kids and is very understanding that they come first. He’s even an excellent cook and cooked for me every day we were away! He just recently met the kids and was fantastic with them, making so much effort to engage with them without being pushy, has listened to what I say about them and is constantly thinking of things he can do with them they’ll like, cooking, making water bombs out of paper, looking at ideas for presents for them etc. But.....
I’m feeling smothered. He was far to affectionate to me in front of them which I’d asked him not to be. A couple of times he has pushed to come over when I’ve said no and made passive aggressive comments about me not wanting him when I’ve said no. He keeps insisting on paying for stuff and buying little things for house etc that I don’t want and he hasn’t talked about first. I know it sounds pathetic but things like a picnic rug that he’s left at mine without asking. I have got loads already I don’t want or need another!! He’s planning weekends away for us later in the year. Keeps mentioning what we’ll do when it’s just the two of us - with COVID I just find that expectation a pressure. I’ve already said to him that when the kids go back to school in September we may not be able to see anyone for a while as currently we are socially distancing from everyone aside from him but we won’t be in September and his dad is elderly and recently diagnosed with cancer. He doesn’t seem to have taken this on board. He keeps making comments about how I do things eg cooking and that he’ll be helping me with jobs around the home. I’ve come to the conclusion I am controlling and like doing stuff myself in my own way. I think I’m probably so used to doing this that I’m not sure I can compromise enough to actually live with someone. However I know he sees a future where we live together and a month ago I was enthusiastically talking about this with him! Do I need to give it more time, I thought I wanted a relationship it can get lonely on my own and I can’t take up any hobbies etc really as have several kids that need me here. I don’t even know what I’m asking. I’m not sure if it’s me or is his behaviour annoying?