Odd social media behaviour?

[shakiwulub9]

Advice please... what is going on in his head?????

This time last year had a very brief fling with a guy a few years older than me (he was 26, I was 23). We knew each other through work. It was very whirlwind, we both admitted we got too attached too quickly, he said it was too much too soon. I genuinely liked the guy, I would stay up til 3am with him most nights on the phone.

He said all the right things and did all the right things (with hindsight all which lead him to his "goal"..) and he said that after we had sex he "felt too much for me and he couldn't go on any more" (that old chestnut!!)

I felt gutted as I genuinely liked him. I felt so used. He messed with my head so much, and has lived rent-free in my head for the last 12 months!

We continued to follow each other on social media, and had a brief interaction earlier this year when his grandad died and i reached out to him. He seemed to appreciate it as we messaged for a few days (friendly terms). Continued to follow each other on SM.

I bumped into him very briefly this evening in the supermarket, we said a brief hello but that was it, and by the time I got home he had unfollwed me on all social media????

Why tonight??? What triggered him to do this today?? If he was going to cut ties with me, why did he not do this 12 months ago????? He messes with my head so much he doesn't even realise it :-(

Delete and block him everywhere. Don't waste any more time trying to work him out. Move on.

Hmmm.. sounds suspiciously like he might be seeing somebody?

In any case, unfollow, move on and find somebody who's worth the headspace.

He used you. I've had a similar situation recently- it's not nice. You're left hurt and confused.

Absolutely, I feel totally used. I just don't understand what about seeing me today made him think "I'll unfollow/unfriend her when I get home" - surely he would have wanted to do that when he called things off 12 months ago?

Did I do something wrong tonight or something!?

He messes with my head so much he doesn't even realise it :-(

No. You don’t even realise it. These types are dangerous charmers who love bomb and blow hot and cold. Know what he is. Keep well away. Don’t be emotionally triggered by him.

And you should have removed him from SM 12 months ago if you genuinely felt used - would you let him use you again.

Don’t worry about trying to understand him and his motives - look closer to home at your own reactions and behaviours.

@sssloou this is an incredibly insightful response, I never looked at it like this before. Thank you. I think a lot of self-reflection is required as to why I let myself come to feel like this.

I guess I didn't want to "burn bridges" as a little part of me always hoped he would change his mind. But all I've allowed for is him to get under my skin - again !

ive got old friends on facebook that unfollow every female when a new girlfriend appears. then readd them 2 months later.

Ssloou is right.

Now block him so he can't get you dangling again. You're not friends, and you can do better, give yourself a kick in the bum to move on mentally from him.

He’s messing with your head, my ex used to suddenly block me after we broke up then after a few months he would unblock and message me. It’s childish and stupid, he isn’t worth your time. The good thing is that it’s easier to move on when you can’t see any social media etc. Now you can focus on yourself and moving on from him.

People don’t change. The initial intense behaviour with you was deliberately manipulative and exploitative to get what he wanted.

Then he suddenly withdrew in a cold and dismissive way. That was the reality and that’s the part you should remember - not the fake intense nonsense at the beginning.

You were looking for a repeat of the early (fake) days and ignoring the later reality. You are/were hoping that he would just be that wonderful person.

You have had a lucky escape - you could have done many loops of this cliched “nasty/nice cycle” where your identity, reality, spirit and sanity are eroded by these manipulators.

Learn to spot the red flags and more importantly don’t ignore them - or let them be overridden by “good times”
act on them - move on.

The thing that concerns me most if that you had realised he had blocked you on everything by the time you got home. Meaning, you checked that quickly. I've been blocked by people before but I wouldn't have a clue as to when it happened, because I don't check on people so often that I could keep track.

I really do think you have to accept that the "odd social media behaviour" being exhibited here is yours and yours alone. Its not our business what people think about us, or why they do certain things. You have had the ability to control this situation for 12 months. You wasted that opportunity because of false hope (I cant see any reason given that you held on to such hopes), and he was the one who took the reins. Its a good thing that he has - you need to move on from this, and quickly. This is on you OP, I'm sorry.

Why shouldn't he block you? You're an ex. Maybe he's got a new partner (why not, after a year?), maybe he was reminded by meeting you that you've been watching what he's up to on SM, and he now feels a bit funny about having an ex knowing what he is doing.
He's unlikely to be doing it for your sake; he wasn't to know that you'd go straight home and look him up - for all he knows, you still have no idea you're blocked.