Would you date a teacher?

[Claire926]

I have met a nice man who is starting a PGCE in September. I do not have a problem with teachers as I know some people believe they have a reputation. What my concerns are if I was to get in a relationship with him would he have time for a relationship? He would be working full time at school plus doing assignments. Also, would he always be working long hours with planning and marking etc after he graduates? I have heard it a stressful job and don't know if I could be with someone who has no time or the job ends up affecting their physical and mental health.

[Dreeple]

Has he got a beard?

[3hoursofPeppa]

Many people become teachers because the hours are way more family friendly than other professions. I thought everyone knew that! I have a family full of teachers and loads of teacher friends - they work hard and I have huge respect for the difficult job they do but the hours simply do not compare other jobs.

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

@3hoursofPeppa

Many people become teachers because the hours are way more family friendly than other professions. I thought everyone knew that! I have a family full of teachers and loads of teacher friends - they work hard and I have huge respect for the difficult job they do but the hours simply do not compare other jobs.

Yes - the hours are really family friendly. I collect my kids, feed them, put them to bed, and work from 7-11pm, go to bed, get up at 6am, go to work and repeat.

That said, I get to spend the holidays with them, even if I work most days through the holidays as well.

[theluckiest]

@3hoursofPeppa

Many people become teachers because the hours are way more family friendly than other professions. I thought everyone knew that! I have a family full of teachers and loads of teacher friends - they work hard and I have huge respect for the difficult job they do but the hours simply do not compare other jobs.

Hahahahahahahaaha

Yeah, I thought that too before I went into teaching. I had two DC under 3 when I did my PGCE (what was I thinking??!!) I was an older student with life experience and military-precision organisation tho. Which helped.

I spent a lot of my waking hours with other people's children instead of my own. NOT saying other careers don't as well but teaching is possibly the least family-friendly career you could choose. It's all encompassing and the problem is that it is never finished. There's always something else that needs doing. I have learned what 'Enough' looks like now.

Although admittedly, the school hols are priceless. Not sure if it's worth it tho...

Anyway, back to the question. This thread has raised a few laughs and WTF??? faces with DH and I.

He would prob agree with many of them. He says that my handwriting is far superior to his and I'm bloody brilliant at pub quizzes ...

Seriously, if you like him OP, don't let his prospective job get in the way. And if he likes you, he'll make time to see you although he will have periods throughout the year when it's all or nothing. The PGCE is knackering but doable. Won't mention the NQT year tho...

[Frlrlrubert]

What does he do at the moment? Is he re-training or straight off his degree?

Is he generally an organised person? Organisation will save you stress massively in the PGCE year.

I retrained as a science teacher three years ago, with a 1 year old DD, PGCE and NQT were tough, the first because my knowledge was rusty so planning took even longer (I'm actually just brushing up my Physics for September, as I'm teaching a module I've so far avoided which has stuff in it I've never actually studied myself!) and the second because I struggled with behaviour management.

If he's up to date with his knowledge (or young enough to still learn fast) and organised it should be fine.

Like a pp said, science marking is tick and flick. Occasionally you get a week where you have loads of tests to mark, but once you're up to speed it's not as bad as most other subjects.

[DrMorbius]

I would date a teacher, but my expectations would be low. I have three DC's (now adults) and I only came across two or three teachers in their whole student careers, that I would consider employing. BTW I was even on the PTA.

I found a lot of teachers a bit immature when compared to the contemporaries. They are perennially the big fish in school, because there is always a sub class below them. They start their career at the top
When I started work, I was the little fish. I learned to handle situations from that perspective. Every time I moved up, I added another layer/dimension of communication skills. Now I am quite senior, but I had to navigate/learn my way to here.

[GinWithRosie]

@3hoursofPeppa I can't work out if your post was written as a joke or not? There's absolutely NOTHING family friendly about the working hours of a teacher! (And many others professions...this isn't a race to the bottom here, I'm not 'that' teacher and I'm very much aware of how long and hard lots of you work 💓)

Just to be clear though: children attend classes between the hours of (roughly!) 9am and 3pm, term time. Those hours are for 'the children' NOT 'the teachers' 👍

My working week (for example) is a minimum of 70 hours...often more, and very occasionally I might say FUCK THIS and treat myself to a night out on a school night (I pay for that at a later date when the book scrutiny clocks that on 23rd March Class 2 maths books weren't marked, and I get a public ticking off in the group feedback email and told to mark them by the end of lunch!)

Yes...you save money on childcare in the holidays, but you do still work during most of them so they spend a fair bit of time 'helping mum/dad in the classroom'. Mine were fantastic at staple removal from wall displays 😂

See my PP about missing almost every other family event though. And another biggie...you can NEVER get a cheap holiday, so going away with your kids is a major expense!

[3hoursofPeppa]

Well you can disagree all you want and I am not dissing teachers in any way but half of my (large) family are teachers and on the whole they do not work the same hours as those in healthcare, finance, law. They simply don't. They do a difficult and important job but none of the teachers I know work very long hours, evenings or weekends.

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

@3hoursofPeppa

Well you can disagree all you want and I am not dissing teachers in any way but half of my (large) family are teachers and on the whole they do not work the same hours as those in healthcare, finance, law. They simply don't. They do a difficult and important job but none of the teachers I know work very long hours, evenings or weekends.

I thought it was teachers who had the reputation of being argumentative and not budging their view when presented with evidence to the contrary

Does the other half of your family work in healthcare, finance and law, then?

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

My working week (for example) is a minimum of 70 hours...often more

I have just completed my NQT year. I have four children. Like I said before, I'm up at 6am, at school all day, home to collect and feed my own children and I work for about 4 hours every night, and I work on Saturdays and Sundays - sometimes for 8 hours. I frequently fail my own children. There's nothing family friendly about it. My partner is a nurse and from what he's said, he has never worked the hours per week that I do.

[CaptainMyCaptain]

@3hoursofPeppa

Many people become teachers because the hours are way more family friendly than other professions. I thought everyone knew that! I have a family full of teachers and loads of teacher friends - they work hard and I have huge respect for the difficult job they do but the hours simply do not compare other jobs.

That was true when I first started teaching but isn't necessarily true now, particularly in some Academies. One locally makes staff go to after school meetings in another city 30 miles away among other things.

[GinWithRosie]

@CaptainMyCaptain similar here, but not quite 30 miles. Staff at my school (which I love by the way...we are a fabulous, supportive team, but unfortunately the nature of being 'federated' takes some of the decisions out of our head of school's hands 🤷‍♀️!) have to travel to one of our 'federated' schools every week for our staff meetings 20 miles away...this is 18 miles the opposite direction to where I live! So my journey home on those days takes me an extra 40 minutes (so an hour and 20 mins to get home).

[Namechangr9000]

the “Believe they are always right” is from experience actually true. My in laws were teachers and they have great difficulty understanding a different opinion. God help you if you challenge them 🤣🤣 I’ve also friends who are teachers and are exactly the same. Luckily we are all aware of this common teacher trait and we just nod along and agree and then roll our eyes when they’re not looking

There used to be a few teachers at my church growing up, everyone in my family commented that they talked to you and explained things very simply as if we were all about 5!
The proverbial MN teacher works 20 hours a day, 7 days week and barely has time to fart (although they have easier days in the school holidays where they only work 12 hours a day, 5 days a week)
I know quite a lot of teachers in RL and none are like either of the above examples, are good company, have time for various hobbies, socialising and weekends away!

[Hardbackwriter]

I mean, it does vary, obviously - DH works about 45 hours a week in term time (including the after school club he runs, meetings, etc), not 70, and he works very little during the holidays. We therefore find it pretty family friendly because he's at home with our DS for a quarter of the year and although it does mean he has to work in the evening it's pretty great that he can pick DS up from nursery at 4.30. I think it's statistically true that primary school teachers usually work longer hours than secondary, but there also just seems to be so much variation between individuals that it's hard to say. DH is constantly evaluated as an outstanding teacher, gets very good results and has a TLR so I don't think he's slacking off, but there are teachers at his school who say they work every holiday and all evening every day and DH is never quite sure what they're doing!

[CocoBryceDidAcidWithMe]

I have only slept with teachers

[Purpleartichoke]

If you think that a teacher is going to have a career that is simply too demanding as a partner, I wonder who you have been dating. Nothing wrong with dating someone who just has a job they work set hours and then are done, but it’s definitely only a subset of the population.

[CaptainMyCaptain]

My husband works in the NHS and works 12 hour shifts including weekends but they are in a set pattern. He can negotiate his annual leave but it was tricky getting time off in school holidays when I was teaching. The hours I worked at home infuriated him and he always said he'd rather have his annual leave arrangement than have to take holidays at the most expensive time. He was glad when I retired.

[VashtaNerada]

It really depends on the school. Mine is pretty good with its expectations on staff and I was encouraged to transfer my DC when I started working there which means I don’t have any childcare nightmares. Many schools are not that decent though!
Slightly annoyed at the assumptions of some PP that teachers immediately go into teaching from school when many of us have careers under our belts and chose to re-train. I’ve also met some incredibly talented, professional teachers who are decades younger than me so age / experience doesn’t necessarily have a bearing on ability anyway.

[Ragwort]

What is your job OP?

I've never even considered someone's job when I was dating, unless they were an executioner on something . Most people I know work long hours, lots of travelling etc. Before Covid my DH never spent a full week at home, he was often away staying in hotels etc, (not luxury - Travelodge or similar ). He's working now on a Zoom call. Even my own job, barely more than minimum wage involves working weekends, anti-social hours etc etc. Do many people really have a cushy 9-5 job anymore?

I would always be more attracted to someone who was passionate about their job rather than a 'jobs worth' type.

[youwereagoodcakeclyde]

I'd date a teacher!

The work hours I would NEVER have considered a problem.
Work hours I would consider a problem:
Long distance lorry driver or a pilot - away for few days at a time
Army /off shore oil/ shipping - away for months

The mental health aspect I would also NEVER considered as a problem.
So many other jobs higher up on suicide scale!
He might cope with the stress fine.
He could change job if he does get ground down by it.
The stress might be the right type and spur him onto a doing a great job and get great satisfaction from it.

[youwereagoodcakeclyde]

I admit if I meet a teacher (in a totally non school /educational setting) occasionally I can tell or have a suspicion (usually secondary school teachers). It's the way some teachers speak - I can't describe it exactly but maybe a bit too loudly, and as if I am a bit simple, not really wanting a reply.

[youwereagoodcakeclyde]

• I'd not date someone who spoke to me like that!

[GinWithRosie]

@VashtaNerada yes that pissed me off too! I was a lawyer before retraining to be a teacher 🤷‍♀️ I’m pretty sure I’m not ‘immature’ by anyone’s standards 🤬 Which is also how I know that other people also have jobs that are hard work, long hours and pretty stressful. Like I said, it’s not a race to the bottom, and who’s to say that the OP will meet anyone with a nice comfortable 9-5 job anyway 🤷‍♀️

[Claire926]

@Russell19

OP if he was working for an agency teaching as an unqualified teacher that may be why he recieved some cold responses. A lot of teachers are concerned about the rise in 'unqualified teachers' taking jobs and aside from that morally oppose it. I may be completely wrong here in my assumptions but just a thought.

I think you are right. I do feel for him as he is very passion and he has a degree and masters degree in one of the sciences so he is very knowledgeable. Though I do understand the teachers concerns if he has been trained properly to deliver lessons and manage behaviour etc.

[Claire926]

@Frlrlrubert

What does he do at the moment? Is he re-training or straight off his degree?

Is he generally an organised person? Organisation will save you stress massively in the PGCE year.

I retrained as a science teacher three years ago, with a 1 year old DD, PGCE and NQT were tough, the first because my knowledge was rusty so planning took even longer (I'm actually just brushing up my Physics for September, as I'm teaching a module I've so far avoided which has stuff in it I've never actually studied myself!) and the second because I struggled with behaviour management.

If he's up to date with his knowledge (or young enough to still learn fast) and organised it should be fine.

Like a pp said, science marking is tick and flick. Occasionally you get a week where you have loads of tests to mark, but once you're up to speed it's not as bad as most other subjects.

He is in his 40s and was in a high profile management job and then decided to become a teacher. He missed last year's deadline so we end up meeting on a course he decided to fill his year with.

The course was to do with education and it was supposed to be the equivalent to doing GCSE's part time. The course was quite stressful for most of us as it ended up being full time doing assignments, including placement whilst we had other commitments. He even thought about dropping out in February but then was able to catch up as we could finish the course off at home during the pandemic.

Which makes me wonder how he will do a full time PGCE, assignments, placement and I know he has a lot of other commitments.