Would you date a teacher?

[Claire926]

I have met a nice man who is starting a PGCE in September. I do not have a problem with teachers as I know some people believe they have a reputation. What my concerns are if I was to get in a relationship with him would he have time for a relationship? He would be working full time at school plus doing assignments. Also, would he always be working long hours with planning and marking etc after he graduates? I have heard it a stressful job and don't know if I could be with someone who has no time or the job ends up affecting their physical and mental health.

Dh is a teacher- deputy head- when I first read the title of the post I laughed but tbh it can be hard at times how much his job dominates everything. in term time he does work very long hours and I feel like a single parent apart from Saturdays. He does hardly anything around the house but then I'm home more so I can't really complain . He has no flexibility in terms time eg can never do any appointments with kids but he's obviously around in school holidays
It's always an interesting job though and means he is great with kids and knows what's going on .

I’m a teacher, but I wasn’t when me and my husband met. He says it’s hard to concede our evenings to my job, that I come home stressed at certain points in the year. He doesn’t think it would have put him off if we met when I was already teaching though. He says the dedication to my job is a really good side of me as he likes how much I care and am passionate about it.
He also thinks I’m a stressy, annoying fucker sometimes too but he’s too sweet to say that to my face!
If you aren’t confident in your own knowledge/education so that you think well educated people are know it alls and can’t hold your own in a conversation with them, a teacher is not for you. Again that’s his words, not mine, but I’m inclined to agree!

It’s like all builders lear at big boobs and wolf whistle...of course they don’t, but it’s something people think off when they walk past a building site! None of my points were a personal attack! They are what some people think off when they think of teachers
Then those people need to get out a bit more in my opinion.

Next up, why taxi drivers are raging brexiteers who hate foreigners or why people in the hair and beauty industry are stupid... After all some people think of those things when they hear jobs mentioned. 🙄

@LolaSmiles

It’s like all builders lear at big boobs and wolf whistle...of course they don’t, but it’s something people think off when they walk past a building site! None of my points were a personal attack! They are what some people think off when they think of teachers Then those people need to get out a bit more in my opinion.

Next up, why taxi drivers are raging brexiteers who hate foreigners or why people in the hair and beauty industry are stupid... After all some people think of those things when they hear jobs mentioned. 🙄

Yes that’s exactly my point!

It wouldn’t bother me I don’t think. But I’d happily take anyone at this point😂

Long holidays could be appealing?

Hahaha what??
How bizarre.....

Almost all professional jobs are busy and often involve occasional evening and weekend work. If you like him and enjoy his company you certainly shouldn’t let it put you off.

I’m married to a teacher. The problem is that he believes the job owns him. He can never say no to a request and he thinks it ok that we can never make plans until the term calendar is released.

My in laws were teachers and they have great difficulty understanding a different opinion. God help you if you challenge them 🤣🤣 I’ve also friends who are teachers and are exactly the same. Luckily we are all aware of this common teacher trait

DH's mother, aunt, uncle and sister are teachers. This statement applies to all of them

He can never say no to a request and he thinks it ok that we can never make plans until the term calendar is released.

Doesn't everyone need to have their work schedule before they make plans? Obviously DH's term dates, parents' evenings, school trips, etc massively affect what we plan for when, but so does when I can and can't have time off work or have to travel for work etc (which is announced with a lot less notice than a school calendar!) - isn't that just having a job?

I came from a non education sector and now work in a school. My DH also came from a different sector and I'm afraid to say we have both found teachers speak to 'non teachers' as though they were one of their pupils. They bark orders rather than ask you to do anything. Having said that my best friend is a teacher but she always says she is not a "normal" teacher 😀

The problem is that he believes the job owns him. He can never say no to a request and he thinks it ok that we can never make plans until the term calendar is released
There's two separate issues there. The term calendar is fairly standard, just like in many other jobs you'd have to make your plans around your working hours.

The not being able to say no to things is something that can happen in many jobs, but teaching has a higher percentage of people in that camp in my opinion. Some it's because some schools are quite toxic and/or seem to be all take with no give, others it's because there's martyr teachers who will easily get roped into anything 'for the good of the children'. In my experience the latter end up being put upon regularly to compensate for lazy colleagues.

I’m fine with planning around working hours, but it’s the 24/7-ness of the working hours that’s a problem. His school are shocking for suddenly requiring that he attends an extra evening meeting or delivers revision classes in the holidays. The autumn term calendar won’t be released until 1st Sept whereas in my non-teaching job I already have the majority of out of hours events in my diary until Christmas. I can also say no to out of hours things in my role if I have a non- moveable commitment, whereas the school doesn’t understand that staff might have other commitments.

If he is main/upper pay scale then he can't be directed to attend extra meetings if they fall outside of directed time. He also can't be directed to work in the holidays.

But things like meetings and parents evenings aren't out of hours commitments. They are a core part of the job for any teacher. He is paid for those hours.

If he's leadership spine then it's a bit different

The calendar should be published sooner though. Everywhere I've worked releases it before the summer.

He’s a teacher...... omg!

I have always found that there are teachers who say yes to everything and eventually they will be expected to do everything. The go to person who is always asked and in many cases not paid for the extra responsibility.

Then there are the teachers who stick to what the jobs expects and says yes or no depending on the request.

Then there are the ambitious ones who do everything they can and move up the ladder. They are usually single or with understanding partners.

OP if he was working for an agency teaching as an unqualified teacher that may be why he recieved some cold responses. A lot of teachers are concerned about the rise in 'unqualified teachers' taking jobs and aside from that morally oppose it. I may be completely wrong here in my assumptions but just a thought.

There are agency teachers who are terrible and some who are great.
I walked through a classroom (it joins on to mine) and the supply/agency was online looking for a new car whilst the class were just chatting and not getting on with any work. Another one told the technician that he didn't need the worksheets 'as they won't do the work anyway'. A third told a vulnerable student that the world would be better without him! So some agency staff are terrible and it's not surprising teaching staff aren't thrilled to have them around.

There are agency teachers who are terrible and some who are great.
Agency teachers are different from 'cover supervisors' who have no teaching qualifications. They might be HLTAs, they might be brilliant but they are paid much less and, as such, could be seen as taking teachers' jobs. There is (or was pre Covid) much less work for qualified supply teachers now than there used to be for this reason.

@twilightcafe

My in laws were teachers and they have great difficulty understanding a different opinion. God help you if you challenge them 🤣🤣 I’ve also friends who are teachers and are exactly the same. Luckily we are all aware of this common teacher trait

DH's mother, aunt, uncle and sister are teachers. This statement applies to all of them

You have my sympathies 😂 I have to bite my lip at so many Sunday lunches 🙈😭

I'm a teacher. What reputation do I have?

I have a DP - I don't think I'm undatable as we're getting married soon.

I'm also a career changer - in my 40s. I had a career, family, started working as a TA - marriage broke down and then my new partner encouraged me to train. I have four kids - we go away most weekends when we don't have the kids/pandemic.

I wouldn't date me 😂

Totally shattered, long hours, work most weekends at least one day, sometimes both days at particularly busy periods and often until late at night during the week. I missed every one of my own children's special school events (which was awful!) and only managed to attend one of my children's university graduation ceremonies (I was the lead teacher on an overseas class residential, that had been booked well in advance of the graduation date being announced). That was a particular low point for me 😢

Not sure how a PP says she's 'home by 3' everyday, when schools (in the UK anyway) don't finish until 3 or later! And our 'contractual hours' are 1265 a year (which even if we work in a school that has workload and wellbeing as a priority, is a challenge to stay within!). I can only assume that the poster is either part time, not in the UK or works in a private school not covered by the Burgundy Book 🤷‍♀️ A very misleading post.

OP, it is a stressful job, of course it is, but as others have said, it very much depends on the school ethos, subject/key stage (I'm a primary school teacher with SLT responsibilities). Secondary Science would still have a heavy workload and busy periods...and the first couple of years would be particularly challenging as your potential new DP completed his NQT and RQT years. But other jobs are also stressful and challenging, so who's to say that you might toss this to the kerb only to meet a police officer or trauma surgeon next? Are you going to keep on throwing away potential happiness whilst you wait for Mr Accountant to turn up? 😉

Grasp any chance of love and happiness whilst you can and work out the logistics as you go on...whilst bearing in mind the above in the future, should it get to the point where he is missing that first nativity play 🤷‍♀️ (although to be fair, these days heads are very much more likely to allow time off for these things...back in the 90s it wasn't even something we would dare ask!)

Good luck xx

I’d say teaching is similar to other busy jobs, often have to stay late for school events, etc but no worse than anything else.

If you can’t cope with someone who is a teacher don’t ever date anyone who runs their own business!!