What will you do to avoid a row with your mother?

[choosyfloosy]

[Sigh]

Mum's coming up to look after ds tomorrow afternoon while I allegedly study. Fantastic. She offered to come up early and do housework. Had to put her off as dh working at home finds it intrusive. I know she will take one look at the house and mentally throw up (it is disgusting atm, though tidy). Woke at 2.30 am to put ds back in his bed and lay awake for 45 minutes having a mental row with mum about the state of the house. Got up at 3.15 to brush the carpet (can't hoover at this hour), clean the hob, sweep up and wipe the bathroom floor.

Funnily enough dh is the one on medication.

Tut tut Choosy you will be too tired to study you know!

You ARE allowed to let your housework slide whilst studying - you can't do everything (unless you are willing to commit to giving up on sleeping)

What are you studying btw?

speech and language therapy. it' s a four year course though, surely i'll have rats by the end of it?

the thing is that it's not 'letting the housework slide' it's just that i never do ANY, but i don't actually enjoy having a filthy house

[enjoys MNing instead of alphabetising the spice rack, one of the few jobs I do regularly do]

My house is so bad DH has signed up to FLY lady to get on top of it. I know I should feel guilty being a SAHM but with the 2 DC's I don't get a chance to do much, and when I do have a minute I'd rather be on MN too (pref with a nice cuppa)!

Speech and language therapy sounds interesting - are you planning a career change or is it work related? I completed a 4 year law degree part-time just before I had DS1, don't think I'd manage to anything like it now I have two of them around to distract me.

Yup, hoping to qualify and work as a therapist, as opposed to admin person and secretary.

I came down to thinking that I could either have another baby or do this course. But actually I really don't want another baby, so that's an excuse... very exciting to be starting the course, anyway.

I carefully refrain from finishing every argument with "But it's costing you a fortune and giving you cancer! All you moan about is how you're tired and poor, you could solve both those in one fell swoop by REFRAINING FROM SETTING FIRE TO 5 POUNDS A DAY."

I dont talk to mine. We never argue as a result!

Snap harrisey!

Try changing the way you deal with her choosy?

'I would rather you did not do any housework, I feel very upset/angry (any other emotion) when you suggest it, in future I would rather you do not mention it'

Non confrontational/non argumentative. Obviously change it into wording your comfortable with.

It is okay to tell her not to do it. Would you go to a mates house and tell her your going to tidy it? I think not! V rude to suggest it even! And just because she's your mother gives her no rights in YOUR home! Your home, your rules! And if you get rats, they make fantastic pets! And as a bonus will probably scare the mice away

What will I do?

To judge from this weekend:

Hide the secateurs
Smile noncommittally when she says my son is growing out of his Asperger's Syndrome
Smile noncommittally when ten minutes later she says she hadn't realised how bad he was getting...
Say, yes, isn't there? when she says there is always a bowlful of washing up in our house
Ditto when she says that young people nowadays never do ironing (mind, I'll forgive her that one for the 'young' part of it!)

Could go on....

Put up with it and get your house cleaned. . If you hired a cleaner it would cost you a fortune. Only have to listen to a bit of nagging. Worth it surely.

You should just say "I like it like this, if you tidy then it will look horrid".

Or just close your mouth and stew for days, like I do.