Ex husband didn't tell our children he got married!

[fedupwithhim]

Is it just me or is it odd that a father (who tells himself that he is a perfect dad!) did not tell his young adult children that he got married?

He is an moron in every way, but this really does take the biscuit.

Ddad got married in secret while me and dsis were out of the country and invited dbro and his wife . No significant family rift.

Sadly common. My ex got engaged, while I thought I was his girlfriend of 18 years. Saw his engagement photos on facebook. I wasn't even surprised or disappointed. I was thrilled the narcissistic knob was someone elses problem. I have wondered when he was going to tell me. He eventually did. She was 25 years young than him. His new wife died. He got married again. Took him some time to tell me our dd had yet another stepmother. Again 20 something years younger. They divorced.

So happy he is an ex.
I think it is embarrassement. The woman that knows him best, ie mother of the shared dc, could share stories that would pour cold water on his self image of being a catch or Casanova or stand up guy.
Just my theory

My MIL did this. Got married in the USA to her long term partner, rang dh a month later to ask him to tell his cousin who would tell her sister.

No thought about the fact that actually it would have been nice for dh to know anyway, sad thing is we would have been really happy for them, no real reason for secrecy.

My father did this the first time he remarried I found out via a wedding photo mailed to me in the post. Apparently he thought my mother or sister would tell me as sister had been told 1 week in advance.

I never did get on well with that stepmother.

Got on fine with stepmother 3 and 4

With no 5 (I was an adult) I barely knew her as I lived in the UK and they in Scandinavia

he called me before each of the last 3 weddings and told me so I guess he learned his lesson..

I have a good relationship with my father these days this was 40 odd years ago and I accept he realised it was a poor thing to do.

My father did this too. I found out 10 years later.

DM tried to do this but I worked out what was going on and confronted her (she also got engaged without telling us and we only worked it out when I noticed the big shiny ring!). She admitted she was getting married that week and tried to get me to keep it a secret from DB. I was early twenties, DB was late teens. We didn't like her partner, that's the only reason I can think of for it (our dad had been dead for a long time by then). They did get married that week and we weren't invited, i don't think his adult children were told until afterwards. Bizarre.

My dad and stepmother did this. Got married without telling us. They did do us the courtesy of telling us after the event.

I'm going to put my hand up and say we did this and there was a very good reason.

Everytime we tried to involve the DSDs in something or she found out we were planning a holiday, his ex would threaten suicide. We were due to visit family on the other side of the world and we were told by her family if we went and she killed herself they wouldn't take the kids in. She followed through once and ended up in hospital for 5 days.

We knew if we tried to involve the girls they would be under immense pressure and their mother might do something silly. So we got married with no family and told them afterwards.

What made me cross was years later she got remarried and had a big white wedding with no one trying to emotionally blackmail her in the worst way possible.

Anyway we've been married for a long time now and its had no impact on our relationship with the girls.

@Buxx

I'm going to put my hand up and say we did this and there was a very good reason.

Everytime we tried to involve the DSDs in something or she found out we were planning a holiday, his ex would threaten suicide. We were due to visit family on the other side of the world and we were told by her family if we went and she killed herself they wouldn't take the kids in. She followed through once and ended up in hospital for 5 days.

We knew if we tried to involve the girls they would be under immense pressure and their mother might do something silly. So we got married with no family and told them afterwards.

What made me cross was years later she got remarried and had a big white wedding with no one trying to emotionally blackmail her in the worst way possible.

Anyway we've been married for a long time now and its had no impact on our relationship with the girls.

Goodness gracious

I've name changed for this as it's outing for anyone who knows me.

My dad did this when I was 9 years old. He married my au pair and didn't tell me until 5 weeks after he got married. I didn't even know they were in a relationship (I lived with my dad at the time, so it wasn't like I hardly saw him). It was devastating and I never forgave him. Our relationship deteriorated ever since and now we barely speak. He didn't tell my sister either but she was an adult by then, I don't know if that's better or worse.

@onetwothree20 that is truly shocking. That must have been absolutely awful for you.

DD’s Dad who terminated contact with her bar a twice yearly (which has subsequently been reduced to zero) pre recorded Skype message, excitedly informed her that she was now a big sister and that he was beyond happy to ba a father again.

Some people are just so self absorbed that they really don’t care about the feelings of others. I suspect the reason he even told DD in the first place, was because his parents wouldn’t keep his secrets.

I don't think my niece knows her Dad is married. They were supposed to the official wedding this year, but obviously that couldn't happen. They married for visa reasons (they live in Asia for work). Unfortunately, I don't think my niece is that bothered about the father she sees once a year. Luckily, she's close to the rest of the family.