Oh god, I seem to be in a similar situation with my boyfriend as another poster

[Comfypinkslippers]

I've been reading the weddong/ex thread and realised I'm stuck in a very similar situation.

Ten month relationship, live separately, I haven't met his kids, he's met mine briefly, i fit in with his schedule, he fits in with his ex's schedule. He has put off me meeting them because he's scared of things not working out.

I'm at the point where I want to see a proper future with him and he constantly procrastinates. I think he knows I love him too much to end things with him but I don't know how long is reasonable to wait for change.

I've also been in exactly the same situation. He even went on holiday with his ex and used his son as the excuse. It was all on his terms, yet my fault for going along with it. When I look back now I realise what a fool I was....

Firecracker69, how long were you together? What was the thing that finally made you realise that he was stalling?

Seriously end it.

2 years on and off. I was happy for us to go slow as he'd only just separated when I met him. He actually told me he could not see me meeting his kids, and that he want ready for it.... that was before I even brought it up. This is when I should've ended it! After almost 2 years I broached the subject of meeting each other's families. He actually said he could see that happening soon. Shortly after that he ended it completely out of the blue. He then moved onto someone else very quickly and introduced her to his kids and they moved in together after a few months. I was heartbroken. I'm still picking up the pieces.

There were so many red flags that I ignored because I was happy to let it go very slowly. This was because I was unsure of him.

I now know if he'd truly cared, we would have met each other's families and his ex would not have come first. I allowed it to happen though.

My gut instinct, when I met him, was run for the hills. I truly wish I'd have listened. What does your gut tell you?

Scared = not sure / uncertain. We deserve men who are 100% certain of there future with us. There's nothing worse than doubted someone's feelings for you.

• doubting

Best day of my previous marriage was not having to live my /our life to the tunes of his exes...
Beware of staying with a spineless man.

Oh God I was in this exact relationship for two years. Fitted round him, never met anyone in his life...

I'm a very intelligent woman with multiple psychology degrees and I still couldn't see through this behaviour! He ended it when he met someone he ACTUALLY wanted to be with.

I'm now with someone lovely who is all in. Run OP, don't be me.

Could he still be with his ex?

Ladies.. get out of these crap situations.. please

10 months isn't that long though, depending on the ages of the kids. It's way more thoughtful of him to be taking it slow where they're concerned.

I dated a guy who introduced me to his kid about 2 days after I'd said I didn't want to meet him till things were serious. I don't know if blindsiding me with the boy was supposed to be some kind of commitment declaration but I do know I binned him shortly after.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say it's absolutely right to delay meeting the kids. I don't think 10 months is very long.

My exh introduced our kids to his gf very early on and without even having the courtesy to warn me first. They seemed fine but they weren't. It really affected them - they'd already been through a lot from our split and it wasn't fair to throw her into the mix. She also dumped him shortly afterwards as the reality of kids put her off apparently.

I've been with my dp for over a year and we're not introducing the kids yet (either side). We've met each others' families etc but kids need protecting until we're certain as can be that it's the long haul, which we think it probably is.

Caveat is that the kids are all young and it's easier to keep it from them than if they were teens, I suppose.

Agree about meeting the kids too soon, I would at least wait a year or more. But with friendships and family, I'd expect much sooner.

I agree with @OMGISeeTheWayYouShine
How long have he and his ex been separated? How old is the child?
I think 10 months is still early to be introducing kids.
I would maybe explore it with him a bit, but on the face of it, it rings a lot less alarm bells than if he had introduced you to his child after a month.

I did similar for 18 months too, I did actually meet the DC but our entire lives revolved around his ex. I mean entire. He would be late to things because he was with her, he would cancel things with me, he even once left me standing alone for 40 mins at a children’s birthday party whilst he stood in a huddle talking to his ex, completely oblivious I was standing there waiting. She was not particularly polite to me and although she had a DP of her own, she basically still had a husband too. I felt like nothing much would ever change and I would always feel last down the line

OP’s post stood out to me that not that she wants to rush meeting the DC, but that he is stalling and reserved

There are a lot of men who rebound from marriage and want the girlfriend experience without any commitment, one foot out of the door is because they want to know they can have their freedom and I think they probably need more time alone single, and to get used to not being married anymore. I felt like a practice girlfriend to be honest

Ask him what his timescale is - how long he thinks is appropriate to wait to meet the children, where he sees it going.

If you're not ready to give it up, or want to see if he lives up to a given time frame, then carry on, but stop being so bloody available to him and fitting around him. Choose not to see him instead of inevitably fixing some way to. Make him work for it.